Loggie In 'Lantis
by Defect
Summary: Stargate: Atlantis, based on the point of view of my own character. Rated M for language and potential mature themes. WIP.
1. Writer's Notes and Introduction

So obviously Erin is based on me, the author. When I say based, I mean heavily based. The haphephobia is all me, though the 'goth' side of her is totally exaggerated. I only wish I could get away with that. I've clearly taken some licence with the Stargate franchise, made some changes to things, but the stories will follow the general series. If some parts of what you read feel familiar, it's because I've taken some of the script and put it in here. It's not plagiarism. Honest. I started this because I thought it would be interesting to write Atlantis from a 'boring' person's perspective, but it's turned into a sort of therapy for me, which I suppose it a good thing. Rated M for language – yes, I swear that much in real life – adult themes, and God-knows-what-else I'm gonna write.

I'm aiming at making the chapters a thousand or so words long, you'll notice Rising went a little higher than that. Oops.

I hope you guys like the read. Read and review, you know the drill.

…

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…

~ INTRODUCTION ~

…

I'm not sure if I want to go. I mean, it's a great opportunity, once in a lifetime – hell, once in 5000 year opportunity – but I'm just not sure. I'm not usually like this mind you, normally it takes me thirty seconds to decide what I want to do, then it's as good as done. It's so far away. And so dangerous. Seriously? _The Lost City of Atlantis. _It would be amazing. The kind of thing you'd love to tell your grandkids about… there's another thing. I can't tell anyone. Which is probably why I've been 'picked' for this mission. That and some gene thing I apparently have. How weird is that? Mum always said I was special, of course she said it in that retarded voice, and I knew she was joking, but guess what mum? Turns out you were right. I wonder if that means she had the gene too. I can't get my head around this.

I can't sleep. Why is this decision so hard? I can stay here and do the same thing I've done for the last 4 years for the next 20, or I can go and explore a new world, or new civilisation. It's obvious. I'm not leaving anything behind, and if we ever get back chances are I'll have enough money saved to get that investment property. I doubt there'll be a shopping mall in Atlantis. Which means I should pack a lot of clothes.

I'm gonna go, and I know it. Shit.

Wish me luck.

…

Couldn't be easier. A driver picking me up from home, taking me to a RAAF base. Hang around the base for an hour, then get a flight direct to Peterson. From there a driver would pick us up and take us to Cheyenne Mountain, simple.

There were only three people from Australia going on the mission, me, and two Army men, yet the Americans still felt the need to 'come and pick them up'. I'm was sure they were just throwing their weight around, but I've never left Australia, and my nerves are starting to get the best of me.

I checked the street, then rummaged in my bag, pulling out a cigarette and my Jack Daniels Zippo. Despite the long term mission, I really wasn't taking much stuff with me, a couple of bags of clothes, including a few new pairs of runners, and boots, and I'd already organised my DVD collection to be sent to the base. There were no restrictions on how many personal items we were allowed to take with us, which I'm sure would create havoc with my job of getting it through the gate, but we all appreciated the US Air Force doing their best to make us comfortable. I'd organised a pallet of cigarettes – yes, a pallet – to be sent to Cheyenne Mountain, and the RAAF had organised my other two pallets of personal belongings, including the afore-mentioned DVDs. All I had on my person was two bags of clothing, my wallet, half a packet of smokes and my lighter. I didn't figure I'd need anything else, I'd palletised and shrink-wrapped my gear at my old job, thanks to my old boss, and arranged it to be sent to Laverton RAAF base.

A black car turned the corner, and I butted out my smoke, throwing it into my garbage bin, and the driver pulled up.

"Erin Anderson?" He sounded unsure, and I couldn't blame him. My clothes were normal enough – jeans, and a navy shirt with the caffeine molecule on it, but the pink bow in my hair, the black fingernails, the skull around my neck and the knee high black boots with a thick inch heel my have surprised him. The black lipstick probably didn't help either.

"That's me." I offer a smile, and he returned it.

We didn't talk in the car, aside idle chat of the weather. I don't know if he knew who I was, or what I was doing, but if he did he had an enviable poker face. We passed the security gate, and flashed his credentials.

The driver pulled up outside a building, and gestured to the front door. "Head in there, they'll take care of you."

I nodded, and pulled my bags out of the car. "Thanks, Airman."

"Good luck, Anderson," he said, and smiled again.

I picked up my bags, and walked to the door. There was a buzzer next a card reader, and I pushed the button. I heard the door unlock, and pushed it open, entering a sea of uniforms. Feeling entirely out of place I walked up to what looked to be a reception desk, manned by a nice looking middle-aged woman.

"Excuse me, I'm Erin Anderson, here to see Group Captain Croft." I was nervous as all hell, and I'm sure it showed, but she barely looked at me, and picked up the phone.

My eyes wondered around the room. A few people looked at me, curious, then quickly looked away. I smiled on the inside, and I looked back at the receptionist.

"Sir, Miss Anderson has arrived." She put the phone down, and escorted me to a large office. She knocked, and opened the glass door.

"Ah, Erin Anderson, come in, take a seat." The receptionist left the room, closing the door, and butterflies started in my stomach.

I put my gear down, and sat opposite him.

"You applied for the Air Force, two years ago, Miss Anderson." He glanced at some papers on his desk, then back at me. "If you don't mind me asking, why didn't you apply again? According to this you scored high, and seemed like a good candidate. The only thing working against you seems to be taken care of."

He was of course talking about my weight. When I'd applied I weighed 120kgs, much too high for the Air Force, but my height made up for it, so it wasn't obvious at the time how overweight I was. Now I was 80kgs, and extremely fit, except for the smoking habit I couldn't kick.

"No real reason sir," despite not being in the RAAF, I still felt obliged to call Group Captain Croft 'sir', "and please, call me Erin. I found a job I enjoyed, and I thought about the RAAF from time to time, but didn't want to leave where I was working." I paused. "I'd been thinking about it more, right before I was approached, so it seemed like the time was right to do something different." _Oh, and I'm a pacifist. Not sure how _that_ will fit into the military._

He nodded. "Fair enough. I understand that you've been briefed on this mission. As much as anyone can be, anyway. The men are waiting in the mess, I'll take you there."

He led us out of the building, and we walked around the base, passing groups of uniformed personnel, who looked at me curiously. No doubt they were wondering what the Group Captain was doing with someone dressed like me.

We reached the mess, and he holds the door for me. I step aside to let him take lead, and two men stilling a table on their own saw us approaching and stood. The three exchanged salutes, and I felt like a tool. _What the hell am I doing here?_

"Have a seat, Miss Anderson."

"I'm Major Seth Jones," the taller of the two Army guys smiled at me, and stuck out his hand, so I shook it. He was probably in his late forties, greying slightly, and had a calming air of confidence.

"And Captain Jake Lance." This one was a little different, younger, in his twenties, and seemed more focused. He hesitated slightly before offering his hand. We shook hands, and I met his eyes, smiling. He seemed to relax a little, but I had the feeling his nerves weren't just about meeting me.

"Erin Anderson, nice to meet you both," I said, and sat down.

…

Preparations were complete.

We were on the plane, and had just reached cruising altitude. I yawned to pop my ears, and stretched my arms. There were a few others on the plane in uniform, but they kept to themselves. The Crew Attendants had done the first rounds, and were giving out food and drinks.

We spoke a little together, but couldn't discuss the mission at all, in case anyone overheard. _Careless talk costs lives! _I found out that Captain Lance was a software developer, and the Army had furthered his interest in robotics. Before accepting the Atlantis mission he had been excelling in the field, and would be working on any technology found during the mission. Major Jones psychologist, one of three to be assigned to the mission, two being from the USAF. Talking to shrinks, even informally always tended to put me on guard, always worried they were analysing my every word and movement. In his defence, Jones seemed like a nice guy, pretty chilled out and relaxed, while Lance seemed more focused, and still a touch nervous.

After a while of silence I stretched my legs out, and turned to the window, closing my eyes. It was nice to just relax for a while, not worried about work, who was looking after what, was there any issues that needed to be resolved. But I'd sworn after handing over my duties that I would do my best to forget them, and look forward to what I was about to embark on. _Embark on_? Seriously? I've been with these guys for four hours, and I'm already talking like a military handbook. Great.

I drifted off to sleep.

…

"Erin."

I woke up quickly, flinching away from the hand on my shoulder. It was just Lance.

He looked a little surprised, but shrugged it off. "You want any food? They're coming around now."

"Thanks, I'm fine for now," I replied, blushing slightly. I yawned again, and looked out the window. There was land under us. "How long was I out?" I asked.

"A while," he replied. "We're ten hours out." He turned and crossed the isle to his own seat. Good thing about this plane, not many people on it, we could stretch out.

"A while, you reckon," I said softly. I'd slept for hours. I sighed, and looked over at Major Jones. He was watching me, and when I caught his eye he smiled. I smiled back, a little unnerved, but determined not to let it show. I pulled my headphones and IPod out of my bag, and turned it up. Facing the window, I let my eyes close again.

…

Over my headphones I heard the captain of the plane advise to fasten our seatbelts, we would be starting our decent soon. I tightened it around my waist, and sat up in my seat. While I was sleeping I'd hunched over and my back needed cracking.

We hit pavement, and soon after were leaving the craft.

_America, great. I'm over here, and all I'll see is a mountain._ An escort met us, and we piled into his car. I'd shoved the IPod back into my bag, but I was hanging for a smoke. Twenty minutes later we were at the base of Cheyenne Mountain, and parking.

I pulled my lighter and a smoke out of my bag, and lit up, while shouldering my backpack. Jones had a slightly disapproving look on his face, but he could shove it. The other two didn't seem to care, which was fine by me. It was a few minutes walk to the entry anyway, and we had to wait for clearance and BS paperwork to come through, so five minutes after I'd thrown out the butt we were still hanging around outside.

Finally a Sergeant with the name patch "Harriman" met us, and we were escorted into a lift. The lift seemed to take forever. We got out, and were escorted to a briefing room, with a steel blast door covering one wall. _Curious…_

"Please, take a seat, the General will be with you shortly." Harriman left, and I looked around the room a little. Didn't seem very exciting at all.

I walked over to a small table with a pitcher of water and some glasses. "You men want anything?" I ask, pouring myself a glass. Lance declined, but Jones asked for one, and we sat, waiting. "Anyone know the name of the General?"

"Hammond, I believe," Jones replied. "He's in charge of the Stargate program."

"How do you know that?" I asked, curious.

"I'd been given some files to look over before we flew here. Makes for very interesting reading."

I grin. "Don't suppose you have them on you?"

"You'll be given copies of all the information you need shortly, Miss Anderson," a deepish voice with a Texan accent said.

I turned to the doorway, and Jones and Lance stood. I had no idea of the protocol when military from two different countries meet, but apparently the lower ranks salute first. I followed form in standing, feeling again like the odd one out.

"I'm General Hammond, welcome to Stargate Command." He sat at the end of the table, and we turned to him. "As you know, you'll all be shipping out in one month, we thought it would be prudent to have Miss Anderson here early, given her role in the expedition, seemed like a waste not to bring you all over at the same time.

"I just wanted to take a few minutes to meet you, and thank you for taking part in this mission. I'm sure you're all aware of how important it is, not just to America, but to Earth in general. When you've been working at this facility as long as I have, it gets easier to look at the planet on the whole, no 'America', or 'Australia'. When you're here, you're working for the one thing, the safety of this planet, and what we learn about ourselves and our ancestors applies equally, if not more, to other parts of the world." He stood.

"I have a meeting shortly, so I'll have Sergeant Harriman show you to your temporary quarters."

…

I was bored. It was a Saturday, which meant weekend, as while I was 'stationed' here I would work Monday to Friday. I had no DVDs, no books, nothing. Everything I owned was shrink wrapped and palletised somewhere here on base. I shoved a pair of trackies, my worn pair of runners, and an old shirt into a gym bag, and ventured out.

Typical that there were no direction signs, or maps around, barring the next to useless emergency evacuation maps. _Yeah, that's gonna help, when I don't even know where I am._ I was totally lost in my thoughts when someone interrupted.

"Can I help you?"

Harriman, again. "Yeah, actually mate. Uh, sorry, Sergeant. Looking for a gym? I'm assuming the base has one…?"

"Yes ma'am, I'll walk you there. If you need help on your way back just ask, they're all pretty friendly around here." He smiled. "And you can call me mate if you want, ma'am."

"Well if I can call you mate, you can call me Erin. Not sure I'll get used to the 'sir' and 'ma'am' around here. So what's your role here, Harriman?"

"Technical. Diagnostics and the like. And I make good coffee, as well as being a decent tour guide."

"So do you have much to do with Stargate operations at all?" I blushed slightly. "I'm not really up with all this yet, so sorry if it's a stupid question."

"Not at all. Most of my shift is spent in the control room, which is where the Stargate is controlled from. Aside from the basic dialling out, and monitoring of the 'gate, there's also the iris – that is a barrier to stop unfriendlies getting in – and as I said, the diagnostic side, if there are any issues, or scheduled maintenance."

"I think my brain just blew up. You do all that?"

"It can be a challenge, but it's the best thing I've ever done in the Air Force. I know it might sound lame, but even though I don't go through the 'gate, I still feel like I'm part of it, you know?"

"I know what you mean, mate. I just can't wait to get started. I feel like I'm so far behind everyone, it's going to be a hell of a task to catch up. Is there a Stargate textbook that I can study to get me up to speed?" I was joking, but on the inside I was freaking out. Seriously, a device that can send people to other planets? In use? What a head fuck.

"And we're here." He showed me in, and I was relived to see that it was normal gym equipment, no alien tech here.

"Thanks, Harriman. Appreciate it."

He grinned. "I'm Walter. You're not military, and I know it's awkward for you here. Walter is fine."

"What about the Walt-o-nator?"

He gave me a look.

"Walt-a-tron?"

He laughed, and walked away shaking his head.

_What do you know, there is humour in the Air Force._

…

I was hot, sweaty, and still going strong on the treadmill. I wasn't used to a gym as big as this, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Dressed in my gym gear, only my black lipstick differentiated myself from the military personnel working out. I got a couple of smiles and nods, which I took as a good sign. A cute guy that didn't quite look military stood up to the treadmill next to me, and I tried to focus on running. _Zomg he's hooooot! _I imagined what my mother would say – _"Hook in!"_, and smiled to myself, knowing that I would never. I slowed to a walk, then turned off the machine.

_It's not so bad here. I could get used to it. Shame I'll be in a different galaxy in a months time._ I sighed, and had a shower, mentally preparing for wandering the hallways lost.

"You look lost."

"Oh my God, seriously? I haven't even taken two steps! Is it that obvious?" I wasn't yelling, and it was mock-annoyance, but the quite cute for an old guy still gave me an odd look. "Sorry, yeah, I only got here about five hours ago. I'm not really annoyed, sorry." I tend to go into apology overload when I'm nervous, or out of my depth with something. "I'm Erin, I'll be here for the next month, helping-"

"With Atlantis?"

"Yeah, Atlantis." I could tell he was assessing me, but for some reason it didn't annoy me.

"Well I'm Colonel O'Neill, where you heading?"

"Uhm, back to my quarters, I guess. I haven't really been anywhere else since I got here, don't suppose there's a tourists map for the secret military base?"

"Not officially, but I suppose I can find you something." He smiled, and indicated which way to walk.

"I'm not in the loop with the whole Stargate thing, Colonel, what's your role here, may I ask?" _I sound so stupid! I'm like a five year old trying to keep up with a grown-ups conversation! Okay, calm down, you're the new guy here, you'll get it._

"I head SG-1, the lead Stargate team."

_You're a tool! A complete twat! This guy way too busy to be escorting you around a top secret military base! _"Ah, right." That was all I could think of to say.

"Ah, it's not all bad, Anderson."

_How the hell does he know my name? _Total panic. For no reason.

On my probably panicked and worried look he grinned, and suddenly for some reason I thought _now he's the five year old_. "I make it a point to know who's on my base. Also I'm pretty involved with the Atlantis expedition, so I was expecting you."

_Duh. You really are a twat._

"Coolio Julio."

He raised his eyes, and I half smiled, refusing to apologise for my antics.

Suddenly we were outside my room, and he smiled again. "I think you'll find everything you need in there."

"Cheers, thanks so much. I kinda feel a little out of my depth here, you know? Anyway, thanks Colonel."

"No problems, Anderson, I'll be seeing you around." He started to walk away, hands in pockets.

"Seriously, do I have to wear a name tag saying 'Erin' on my shirt? You guys are military, I'm not. No one called me Anderson, ever."

He turned back. "Erin then. I'll be seeing you."

I sighed. _Complete fuckwit. Still could be worse. It could have been the President._ I flicked the light on, and immediately noticed a difference with my desk.

There was a small laptop, and a whole stack of files. Stuck to the top was a Post-It note.

_Hope you don't mind I let myself in. You wanted information, well here you go. Have fun._

Signed-

_Walt-a-tron._

I laughed out loud, stuck my headphones on and started reading.

…

"I said tell me your name, is it sweet? She said my boy it's Dagger, oh yeah…" For some reason I retain information better not only with music blaring, but when I'm singing too. Don't ask me why, it doesn't really make sense, but ever since I was kicked out of my high school library for inappropriate language – hey, I didn't realize exactly what I was singing – I'd found that being on my own with headphones was the best way to study, so I was pretty much in heaven right now. I love sci-fi… at least, sci-fi movies, never got around to reading any classics, and this was like something straight of _Wormhole X-Treme_. Except this was real. And not quite as lame.

I felt something on my shoulder, and gasped, flinching away from it. I turned, yanking off my headphones in a quick movement. I don't know why, but probably the quirkiest thing about me, is I hate being touched. More than that, if someone touches me, even if I'm passing someone a lighter and our fingers touch, I get sick to my stomach. It passes after a few seconds normally, but it's that panic sick you get when you realize you're being followed by someone in a dark street, or that feeling you get when you remember you forgot to turn off the gas. I hate it, but that's how I am, and I've no idea why. Family is a little different, but even people I've known for ages, people I'd literally die for, and trust with my life, one of them hugged me once, and I threw up all over his back. It wasn't pretty, but he was okay about it, didn't get angry or laugh at me. I also hate confrontation. I suppose those three things kinda come in one package for me.

"Miss Anderson?" It was a bit of a no-nonsense Captain, looking at me oddly.

"Yeah, that's me. What can I do for you?" I was getting my breath back, but even being in this room with him was freaking me out, and I felt my muscles tense for no reason.

"I was asked to check on you, ensure you're settling in okay."

I looked at the clock on the dressing table, it read 08:00. "Wow, is it 8pm already?"

Again with the odd look. "It's 0800, Sunday, ma'am."

_He thinks I'm crazy. Great, better they know now, I suppose. I can't believe I've been reading for thirteen hours. Then again, that's pretty much my style._

"I suppose I should get food then. Can you please show me to the mess? Oh, hang on!" Walter the Great had left a map with the files, and I picked it up. "Mind if I try to find my own way?"

"Of course." He wasn't one for conversation, and that was fine with me. We walked through the concrete corridor, and I tried to follow the map. I only got lost once, coming out of an elevator and turned the wrong way. The Captain corrected me, and I found the mess easily from there.

"Awesome, thanks Captain."

He nodded, and left me at the door. I wandered in, probably looking lost again. Somehow I ended up with a tray, and food, and found a table to myself. Again I was getting odd looks, this time it was getting annoying. _Okay, chill. You know you get cranky when you're tired. Eat, then get some sleep, you'll be fine._ I had a cheese tomato sandwich, and was playing with an apple, thinking about everything I'd read.

_They've been doing this for almost eight years now, going to other planets and galaxies through that thing._ I now recognised the cute guy from the gym as Dr. Daniel Jackson, the man who made all this possible, and was glad I hadn't spoken to him. No matter what I said I would have put my foot in it somehow. And Colonel O'Neill, the silver haired fox from yesterday. The reports from some of their missions were mind-blowing.

"Is this seat taken?"

I looked up and saw Major Jones.

"Nope, go for your life."

He sat, and poked his hot breakfast. "The food here is actually pretty good."

"Mhm. I just had a sandwich… kinda hard to screw that up though."

"I didn't see you last night. You been keeping busy?"

_Ugh, I get it, you're a shrink. Wonderful._ "Yeah, actually. I don't start till Monday, but I've been catching up on some reading."

"Amazing, isn't it? All the things they've done. And the world is clueless. Makes you wonder about how much we as a people really know, and how much is kept from us."

"Well I've always believed there had to be life on other planets, pretty bloody short-sighted not to. Makes sense that if anyone knows about it, it would be the government. I'm just glad to be part of it now, is all."

He grinned. "Yeah, I know what you mean. So you're in logistics, right?"

I nod. "Yup."

"So they pulled someone all the way from Australia, to do this. No offence Erin, do you know why?"

"Nope, no idea. I've got a mate in the Air Force over here, but I've never met him in real life or anything. I don't know if he had anything to do with it, I couldn't just ask him, you know? We're pretty close, well, as close as you can be for people living a world away. But yeah, no idea." My finger started to tap on the table, and I paused. "You just gave me an idea. I'll see you around!" I dropped the tray off back to the kitchen staff, and pulled the map out of my pocket. If Seriv, my mate online, had anything to do with this I know how I could find out.

I jogged back to my room, and pulled out my smokes and lighter while booting up the laptop. Sure enough, once it booted a very familiar icon greeted me on the desktop. _Son of a bitch!_

I double-clicked, and hit _Play_ when the annoying screen came up. I logged onto my WoW account, and sure enough, _Seriv_ was online.

/w seriv

Enter

[To Seriv] Hey you!

[Seriv] hey Ell! what's going on

[To Seriv] I think you know!

[To Seriv] Are you responsible for this?

[Seriv] lol for what?

Someone knocked on my door. "Hang on a sec!"

[To Seriv] Seriously, did you get me this job?

I had to be careful about what I said, just in case my gut was wrong.

Someone knocked again. "Dammit, one sec!"

[Seriv] just answer the door Erin

_What? Omg, no way!_ I jumped up, and came face to face with a Major balancing an open laptop on one hand.

"Surprise? And you really shouldn't be smoking in here." He grinned.

"No fucking way! You did this?" I couldn't stop smiling.

"I told you we'd meet up on day. Sure, just didn't know when. So can I come in?"

"Of course!" I stepped aside, and he looked around.

"Just like home?"

I grinned. "Yeah, well, you guys have all my stuff. It's okay for now though."

He stuck his hands into his pockets. "No hug?" He asked quietly.

He was one of the few outside my old job that knew about my touch phobia. I looked down. "Sorry."

"Hey, it's all good. It's just great to finally meet you! You look a little tired."

"I was up all night reading," I replied, nodding at the files, still feeling self-conscious. "Didn't realize the time."

"You've gotta stop doing that."

He also knows most of my bad habits.

"So, James, or is that Major Ranklin?" I teased.

"Hey, James is fine, _Anderson_. I'd heard about some civilian giving the staff a hard time, and figured it had to be you." He saw my face fall, and hurried to correct. "That was a joke, Erin. I'd been keeping tabs on you since you arrived. It's all good."

I smiled weakly, and he gave a strange half-smile. "So are you going to Atlantis too?"

"No. I'm staying here."

I tried not to let me disappointment show.

"Hey, you'll be fine. Tell you what, I finish in three hours, you want to get out of here?"

"Hell yeah!"

…

I'd found my way to the gym on my own this time, and was cycling to the beat of Static-X, with my eyes closed. I still had two hours before James finished his shift, and was planning a nap before we went out. I still couldn't believe he was behind this. He'd told me that when he heard the guy in charge of logistics for the expedition, Major Reilly, was going crazy trying to find a team he'd told him about me. They'd gotten hold of my records, and my old application for the RAAF. Obviously Reilly had thought I sounded good enough, because I'd gotten the visit the next day. Fuckin' intense. I sighed, and opened my eyes. Hot guy was back. Correction, Dr. Jackson was back. Ah, eye candy is good for the soul. And oh yeah, he's pumping iron. That's what I'm talkin' about!

I pulled my IPod off, and headed to the showers.

Shortly after I was in the corridor, studying my map again.

"Hmmm… may as well, or I'll just get lost again tomorrow…" I talk to myself. Often. Pretty much constantly. What I'd just decided then was to check out my new workplace.

It was pretty much my fault. Okay, it was totally my fault. I was looking at the map, not paying attention to what was going on around me, so when I crashed into a _very_ muscular, kinda oldish guy it was my bad. My map went flying, as did his oversized wrench, and he managed to maintain his footing while I hit the ground. Panic. I was fine, but I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach. Dammit. _Stop. Think. It's okay, don't panic._ Ohhhh, way too late for that. I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing, and _not_ freaking out. The sick feeling in my stomach settled slightly, and I opened my eyes to find the Sergeant standing over me, offering his hand.

"Whoa, you okay miss?"

_See, he's nice. Stop freaking and act normal!_ I nod. "Yeah, I'm fine." I ignore his hand and stand up, albeit on slightly shaking legs. "I'm cool. So sorry about that, totally my fault, should have been looking where I was going, sorry." Apology overload again.

He took a step towards me, and subconsciously I stepped back. It was a blessing and a curse that the hallway was otherwise deserted. Blessing because it meant no one else had witnessed my freak-out session, curse because my irrational mind had a very firm dislike of being alone with men. Especially someone that I'd just literally run into. Oh I hate my mind.

"You sure you're okay? You look a little green…" He was clearly not just going to walk away, so I gave the best I had of a smile.

"Yeah, sorry, yeah, of course I'm fine. No damage done. Are you okay? Sorry, I wasn't looking." I was babbling, and couldn't stop. My stomach ached.

"I'm fine miss, as you said, no damage done." He paused, assessed me. "Maybe I should take you to the infirmary. You look really pale."

"Oh, no, no, I'm fine. It's the black lipstick, I'm not that pale. No, I'm great. Sorry. Totally my bad. I'm new, and was too busy looking at the map, and wasn't looking around me, corners are evil. Sorry-"

"_Sergeant Siler to the control room! Sergeant Siler to the control room!"_

"You sure you're okay? That's me, I've got to go. I can take you to the infirmary on the way-"

"No, seriously, sorry, I'm fine, it's cool. No problems." Sigh of relief.

"If you're sure." He gave me a hard look, and I backed up another quick half-step. "Look, if you need to, just head there, okay? I don't want anyone saying I'm giving people a hard time."

"_I'd heard about some civilian giving the staff a hard time, and figured it had to be you." Shut up, stupid brain!_ I giggle nervously. "Yeah, sure, no probs. Sorry again." _For the millionth time, you twat. Just shut up and he'll leave._

He gave me another look before taking off down the corridor in a jog.

My legs sunk, and I fell to the ground.

Somehow I rose and found my quarters. By the time I got back I was crying, and I unlocked my door with shaking hands. I rushed to my bathroom and threw up the sandwich and fruit I'd eaten earlier. Looked at my face in the mirror, red, blotchy, eyes streaming. I collapsed onto my bed and cried, hard._ Why? Why the hell me?_ Sometimes all I want is a hug.

I woke half an hour later, feeling like shit. Dragged myself to the bathroom for another lunch repeat, and stepped into the shower. I took my time, washing my hair twice, then wrapped my hair in a towel and got dressed.

I brushed my teeth, and put my IPod on, sitting on my bed with another file. Episodes like that always leave me shaky, jumping at shadows, and I was considering cancelling on James when there was a knock on my door. I jumped, then stood slowly to open the door.

"Heya lovely." He did a double take, I guess I looked like shit as well as feeling like shit. "What happened?" He demanded, and I took a step back.

"Nothing. I'm fine."

He stepped towards me, and typically I stepped back again.

"Erin, what happened?"

I looked down. "Just ran into someone and freaked out. You know what I'm like." I turned and walked to my desk. "It's pathetic, I hate this!" I could feel hot tears on my cheek, and brushed them away, angry. I couldn't even look at him. "I'm sorry."

"Dammit Erin, don't apologise. It's not your fault." He sighed.

"I think I should probably stay here."

"No way!"

I turned to look at him, and the look on his face was pure determination.

"Come on, you always said you wanted to travel to other countries, now that you're here you're not just gonna sit in a mountain, are you?"

"Well I've still got a ton of reading. And I could do my Warcraft dailies…" The last part was a joke, but I really hadn't even made a dent in the files I'd received.

"Erin, come on. Let me take you out to dinner at least." He crossed his arms and frowned at me. "You need to get out, come on."

Reluctantly I followed him out of the base, and to his car.

It was a pretty quiet ride, he gave me some commentary as we were driving.

I knew he lived in Colorado Springs, and was looking forward to seeing where he lived. It seemed so nice here. I pretty much grew up in the city, and even speeding on the highway felt calmer, more relaxed. I could get used to this. Shame they didn't need me before the insane 'indefinite' mission.

"We're almost there," he said, pulling off into a side street.

"Cool as."

We pulled into the driveway of a nice looking house. Ohhh, butterflies stirring again.

…

"No, no, no! I didn't pull the Maiden! Was so not my fault. It was the stupid huntard! I was healing for that one, and I was watching the damage meter, I'd just reset it, and the hunter jumped on top, that's about when I started freaking. I only had half mana, he's lucky we didn't wipe!"

"Sorry, rules of the game state that any and all wipes are the healers fault, regardless of what happens."

"Arg, typical tankadin! How come it's never the tank's fault?"

"Because _this_ tankadin rocks, duh." He laughed, and reached for my drink. "You want another?"

"Yeah, why not. I do have work tomorrow though." I leaned back in the seat. "Can't wait. Do you know the guys I'm working with?"

"Yeah, they're not bad. Only you and three other loggies are going, and only you guys are on the prep team. All male, of course, and military, but you should be fine, they're good guys. You got two Sergeants, Hopwell and Matthews, and Major Reilly leading. Hopwell is a bit of a newb, but means well. You should get along great with him, and Reilly is a good leader, and knows his stuff. And his stuff is everything. That guy owns everyone at trivia night. Matthews… well, he's a little different." He passed me my drink.

"What do you mean?"

"Real quite, keeps to himself like no one I know. Rumour is that he's got no family, and no friends, at all. He lives on base and last I heard he hadn't left for God-knows-how-long. One of those guys that has nothing in his life except his work. Any time he's not at the gym, mess or in bed, he's working, especially for this project." He pointed his drink at me. "Like you, Reilly wanted this guy on the team. Maybe being on a close team will do him good."

I thought about what he said for the rest of the night, and was still thinking about it when James dropped me back at base.

I used the map to find my quarters, and crashed.

…

…

…

And that's the first introduction. I didn't realize how long the 'introduction' would be, so I've broken it up into five parts, this one, and the next four chapters, which will be each 'week', leading up to Rising Parts One and Two.

And yes, I realize the chances of a mate in World of Warcraft getting someone a job going to other planets are non-existent, but isn't that why we watch / write / read these things? :D

Song in this one is The Fratellis, "Chelsea Dagger".


	2. 002 Week 1

~ WEEK ONE ~

I dressed conservatively the next morning, for my first day at my new job. Nervous as hell.

There was a knock on my door as I was about to leave, and I opened it. Not surprisingly, James was there, grinning. "How you feeling Ell?"

"Nervous, excited. Can't wait." _I've always felt there had to be more, now I'm involved in it!_ "Here to escort me?"

"Of course! Don't want you getting lost." He grinned, and we walked out.

The path from my quarters to my work felt familiar, until I realised we were at the mess.

"You've got time for breakfast."

I made a face. He knew a lot of things about me. Like my habit of skipping meals. "Fine." I picked up a bowl of cereal and a bottle of water, and we sat.

"You look so excited."

I nod, chewing. "Yup, can't wait. From what you said last night it should be good."

"Just don't do that thing where you get really focused and forget the small things. I'm not going to be hovering over you like usual."

Old habit playing our computer game for the entire weekend, wondering why I would lose 2kgs every weekend, till James pointed out that I didn't eat. Oops.

"I'll be fine. Just want a change."

"Well this will be one, for sure. You're going to be great."

I took my bowl back up to the counter, grabbing my water. "Can we go now?"

He laughed, and led me out. I tried to follow my map, but lost track of where we were after about two turns. "Dammit, I'm just gonna get the hang of this place, then I'll be shipping out!"

"It's like that. Don't worry about it."

He finally stopped, and made a trumpet noise. "We're here. Good luck, Erin."

I grinned at him. "Cheers, mate. I'll see you around."

He left, and I took a breath, then walked into my new job.

…

"No, you can't travel both ways through a Stargate. So once something's on the other side, it's there to stay, unless we can get a wormhole back, which is something we're not counting on."

"Dammit. Okay, how many pallet jacks can we afford? Surely they're cheaper. How big is the Stargate? Can we double stack pallets?"

"Yes, but only double, no higher."

"Damn." _I need to know more about the Stargate!_

Matthews looked at me, face totally impassive. I was yet to see any emotion from him.

"What's wrong?"

"I haven't heard anyone swear more than you."

"Sorry, habit." _Fuck off._ "Okay, can we construct something like a forklift, that holds multiple pallets? Like a small portable racking system?"

It hit me like a ton of bricks. "Who cares if it's fuckin' palletised? Chuck the pallets on a plank of wood with wheels and push the bastard through. No machinery needed. Someone on the other side can manoeuvre it out of the way, ready for the next one. That's bloody cheap, it will work, and we can send, what, twenty pallets through at a time?"

"Yes. That would work."

"You any good at drawing, Matthews? Can you do a sketch up for me? Just something to show the Major. We'll need sturdy material, or hell, we could make it motorized if they want, use a golf cart kind of thing, with a little more power."

"We can give a general idea of what we want, we can most likely have a working prototype by this afternoon."

"Fuckin' sweet as. So do we know how many pallets are going?"

"Estimate is two hundred at this stage."

"Ouch. That's gonna hurt." I sigh, and take a swig of my energy drink. Energy drinks are crucial to my survival.

Matthews was eyeing my drink, and despite his blank look, I knew what he was thinking. "Yeah, I know, Matthews. They're the only thing keeping me standing right now, so," I stuck my tongue out at him.

Not even a blink. _God damn, this guy is a stone._

"I will start a diagram, perhaps it would be best for you to continue reading about the project for now."

_Subtle, but I know that I know nothing._ "Sure, no probs."

…

"Miss Anderson."

I'd locked myself away in a spare office, and had hooked up my Ipod to a CD player. Not sure how much he appreciated the blaring music, but with the door closed it was barely noticeable from outside.

_Ah, the colourful personality has returned._ "Sup Matty?" I knew that would annoy him, but hey, I was just having fun.

"Engineering have a prototype made. I thought you would want to come with me to have a look at it."

_Surprising. So he is aware that people _do_ have emotions. Most people, anyway. _"Yeah, that would be great, cheers." I turned the music down – never off – and followed him.

"So how long have you worked here for?" Bit of light conversation, see if those rumours were true.

"For nine years."

"Wow, so you were involved from the start? Mad. You ever gone through the Stargate?"

"Yes."

"Sweet, what was it like?"

He seemed unable to comprehend what I meant.

"Was it crazy to take one step and be on a totally different world?"

"The world I went to looked like Canada."

"Oh." _Wow, thanks, Major Killjoy_.

We walked the rest of the way in silence. It would have been an uncomfortable silence for most, but I'm used to not speaking to people for a long time, and judging from Matthew's unusual personality I had no doubt he was used to long silences too. He would be a tough nut to crack, but we'd get there. Assuming the Atlantis mission didn't fail. And by fail, I mean assuming we were all alive in a months time. _Speaking of killjoy, good on ya._

"We are here."

I followed him into a large lab. Like most of the base, it had concrete walls, and the floor was concrete. There were several large metal tables set up, and at least five offices that I could see where I was standing.

"Here, Captain Curtis has the prototype."

We walked to one of the offices, and I found that it was actually a large room, similar set up to the lab, with a huge metal table, as well as a desk and a ton of working space. On the ground was what looked like a portable racking system. It was two pallets high, two pallets wide, but it was ten pallets long. Perfect. It was a two seater, and I noticed on the back it had the capacity for towing.

"Hi, I'm Captain Curtis. Miss Anderson and Sergeant Matthews?"

"That's us!" I grinned and shook his hand.

Matthews simply nodded and turned his attention back to the pallet mover.

"So, what do you think?"

"Looks good, can I take her for a spin?"

"Sure, ma'am." He leaned over and pushed a button on the console. "See that? No key, just push start. It's electric, just push start on and off. Use these buttons as sort of gears, on typical flat surface one is fine, for uphill, or if it's struggling go to two, three is a bit more extreme, and four is if you get into some sand."

"Fun times." I jumped into the driver's seat. "Matty, you coming with me? Just a quick spin, come on."

He joined me, sitting on the passenger seat.

I pushed my foot down, and it shot forward, faster than I expected. "Whoops," I muttered, and gently pressed the brake. "Okay, so it goes fast." I press on the accelerator slowly this time, and turn the wheel. It was very responsive. "Awesome. Hey, Matty, you know what would be cool? If we could get rid of the racking we're pulling. This might be a good off-world transporter."

"Yes, it could. Please pull over."

I couldn't tell if he was insulting my driving, but either way I brought us back to where it was parked, and pulled the handbrake.

"Captain Curtis. Miss Anderson would ask you something."

I looked at Matthews. "Dude, you sound like an encyclopaedia."

Curtis stifled a laugh. "Miss Anderson?"

"Well, I was just thinking, it's a sweet machine. Any chance you can make the 'racking' section removable? When we get to Atlantis I imagine it would be neat to have a vehicle capable of going through the Stargate, it would sure make long treks for the military guys easier."

Curtis looked thoughtful. "Yes, I imagine that would come in handy. We were commissioned to make ten off-world 'trucks' for the expedition, I wonder if we could modify one to be the other…" He wondered off, and I looked at Matthews.

"Are we supposed to follow him?"

He shook his head. "No. We should return tomorrow and he will give us an update."

"Cheers." We started walking back to the underground 'warehouse' office. "So what do you do for fun, Matthews?"

He gave me a blank look.

"Oi, you might be military, but I know you guys have lives. You'd go mad if you stayed down here for too long." I was baiting, but meh, I was bored.

"I'm not one for social situations."

"Yeah, I get that. Dude, people are annoying, they talk too much, and most are hypocritical liars. But you gotta deal. You know they say that we're not designed to be on our own, and humans are social creatures? As much as I hate people, it's true. Even I couldn't stay down here, only eating, working and working out for a month, let alone an extended period of time!" _Liar. You'd love it, and you know it._

Matthews looked uncomfortable, which was good, because it was the only emotion I'd seen him display since meeting him this morning. "You get by." Was his only comment.

_Be nice._ I shrug. "Whatever floats your boat. But don't forget, chances are, you're going to be stuck for a long time with the same people with no 'out'. You might be forced to make friends."

We walked the rest of the way in silence, and I was kicking myself at how pretentious I was. _Seriously, did you even listen to yourself? Telling someone else to make friends? How about you do that first, then give advice?_

…

The first week seemed to fly by.

We were doing better than expected, time-wise, which gave me time to keep working though the 'Walt-o-files', as well as training in other areas.

James had spoken to me about 'training', which was military talk for hand-to-hand combat. When he broached weapons training I flatly refused. I would not be handling weapons with the intent to kill. It was one thing to take some shots at a hill at my mate's farm, totally another to practice killing on a military range. He'd brought up the weapons first, to get me to agree to the hand-to-hand.

As much as I hated it, I understood their position. I may not be a defenceless geek, but I would rather not have to be babysat by marines in a hostile position.

So I agreed, albeit reluctantly, and he organised me to join a group of new Army recruits. They already knew the basics, so they were ahead of me already, but I was used to that.

On a good note, Captain Jake Lance was also doing the training, so I was nice to have someone I knew dropping me on my butt, rather than a stranger.

The training was intense, a two hour session every day, and in the first week Jake and I got to become friends. He told me about his fiancé, back in Sydney, and how hard it was to leave her. I couldn't empathise, but I could still sympathise. If my mum was still alive I doubt I could leave her to go on some unknown mission.

I'd gotten into the routine of James taking me to breakfast, and dropping me off at work, then Jake picking me up at the 'warehouse', then training together, then he'd walk me back to my quarters. It was nice to have some consistency in my life.

I sort of missed my 8-4 life I had.

It took me a while to admit, but I was homesick.


	3. 003 Week 2

~ WEEK TWO ~

_Go away!_

"E-rin!"

He knew just how to annoy me. I opened on eye.

06:30

Yeah, waking me at 6.30 in the morning was a good way to get on my bad side.

"Let yourself in!"

I heard my door slide open, and glare at James, eyes still squinting. "What?"

"It's a beautiful day, and you're wasting it!"

I groan. "Dude, it's fuckin' oh-six-thirty! Way too early to tell what kind of day it's gonna be, but if this is any indication, it will be a fun day for me, with a hint of homicide shortly."

At least, that's what I meant to say. I'm pretty sure all that came out was; "Duu… fuckin'… kinda, 'cide." I'm not very coherent in the morning.

He just grinned. "I'm sure that was an insult, but I can't tell, so I'm gonna go for 'I'm in a great mood, so glad you're here!'"

I throw a pillow at him, but he just laughs.

"I'm going to get breakfast and coffee. Wake up, I'll be back in 30 minutes."

I groan again, and stick my middle finger up at his retreating back.

Sighing, I get up and have a shower. I glare at my hair in the mirror, then just wrangle it into a bun-like thing with two hair ties.

By the time I'm ready James is banging on the door. "You'd better be awake!"

I open the door. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm awake. Where's my coffee?"

He hands me a polystyrene cup, and I inhale. "Mmmmm. Coffee is good."

He laughs at me, and I lock the door as we walk out. "So what's on the agenda? Is it nap time yet?"

"Not likely. Thought you might be up for a hike? We can stay on the mountain complex and go for a walk?"

"Sounds good." _Three years ago you would have laughed at the concept of going for a walk for fun._

We stopped by the mess to grab some sandwiches, may as well make a picnic out of it.

I finish the coffee and ditch in a bin on the way out. I sigh as I sign out of the building. _That's getting old quickly._

We walked for a while quietly, hiking up what appeared to be a well used trail.

"So how you finding it, now you've been here for a week?" We'd reached the 'top' of the trail, and there were several benches and tables.

"Interesting. You're right about the team, they're a pretty cool bunch. Matty is a tough nut, but funny to be around. You're right about Hopwell, bit of a newb, but good value."

"And how's the hand-to-hand?"

I scowl. He knows it's not my favourite subject, but I'd committed myself to doing it, so I was practising hard. "Fine. I've been chatting to Jake Lance, he's an Aussie too, and pretty neat."

"Teal'c says you're doing well. Or, as he put it, "Miss Anderson shows much commitment, and is progressing in her training."

"Pretty good impersonation. Not that you'd do it to his face." Teal'c freaked me out, more than most people do. I'd never seen the big guy angry, and I sure as hell wouldn't want to. He was just so freakin intimidating.

"He's a good guy. I don't know him at all, but from what I've witnessed, we'd all be dead quite a few times over without him. That goes for SG1 in general, actually."

"Yeah, I've heard that." I wandered over to a patch of grass and lie down.

"Still like your naps in the sun?"

"Of course!" I sigh and close my eyes.

I sensed James lie near me, and I fall asleep slowly.

…

"Thanks for today. I didn't appreciate the wake up call, but it was nice."

James grinned at me. "I figured you needed it. Wanna head out, grab some chow?"

I shake my head. "Thanks, but I might stick around, hit the gym later."

He nodded. "No probs. I'll be out all weekend, so I'll see ya Monday."

"Thanks again. Drive safe!"

He waves with one hand, and I smirk. James and driving safe doesn't exactly go hand-in-hand.

…

"You better you better you bet! Ohhhhh… you better you better you bet…"

I was back in the 'warehouse', with the CD player blaring again. I couldn't sleep last night, so I figured I'd get started on my Monday a little early. Reading reports, chillin' with The Who, and routinely taking breaks to do 'real' work.

I'd been delegated this office, it was small, but bigger than my 'office' at my last job, so I was happy. The previous occupant had left a couch, as well as the CD player, so I was in heaven. I'd worked out that Reilly wasn't too concerned with the whole 'no smoking' in the base, so with that out of the way I really was having fun here. I'd been sneaky, and with a quiet word to my mate Walter, I'd managed to get the video of the camera that faced the warehouse entrance. That, combined with some electronics I'd picked up from Colorado Springs made a pretty good warning system if people other than my team came in.

We were currently in debate with the military, medical and science departments in regards to what would go through the 'gate first. The military wanted guns and ammo to go first, the doctors wanted the medical supplies, and the science geeks wanted all their gear first. That, mixed with our task of also getting food over there made for some interesting conversations and emails between Reilly and other department heads.

I kicked my boots off, and plonked onto the couch with a file on the Ancients.

"Erin!" James walked into my office, shaking his head. "What are you doing?"

"Just reading, James," I replied, butting out my smoke, and swinging my feet off the couch. "These Ancients sound like a pretty cluey bunch of peeps."

"How long have you been here?"

"Dunno, what's the time?" I grin at him. "Come on, you know I love this stuff!"

He laughed at me. "Yeah, yeah. It's 0730, come get some breakfast."

…

The hand to hand combat was going well, as much as I hated to admit it. I was pretty sure that I was going to do well with it before I started it, but that didn't mean I had to like it.

"Miss Anderson."

_Deepest voice. Ever._ I turn to face Teal'c. "Yessir?" There was no way I was gonna call him Teal'c.

"You are doing well. I would like to transfer you to an advanced group."

"No, sir. If I have done well enough to 'pass', then I would request permission to stop training."

He looked confused. "Why? You have demonstrated high aptitude for combat, would you not want to learn more?"

I wasn't too sure how to answer without offence. "I do not believe in violence, sir. I was pressured into this, and do not want to continue if you believe I am at an acceptable level."

He raised an eyebrow. "You would rather be unprepared in the event it is required of you?"

_Tact, tact, tact. You owe this guy._ "With respect, I would hope that I will not need to exercise what you have taught me."

He nodded. "Very well. You are dismissed from this class, and all subsequent classes."

_Shit, I've pissed him off._ "Thank you, sir." I take my leave, worrying the whole time.

I go straight to the gym to clear my head.

…

"Dude, he's pissed off at me. The look he gave me. Ugh. How do I make it up to him? I mean, I know that everything he's taught me was a waste of time, but I didn't need to make it so abundantly clear to him! Dammit!"

"Erin, calm down. It's fine. Management knew that you didn't want the training, as did Teal'c."

"So what, he was testing me or something?"

He shrugged, and speared a piece of broccoli with a chopstick. "Probably."

I frown. "Well that sucks." I push aside my Chinese and cross my arms.

"Look, don't freak about it, okay? The Air Force knew how you felt before they even offered you the job. The assholes up top probably want to see you end up fighting, because they're dicks, and the good guys up the top need to know you can handle yourself. Which with Teal'c's approval I think you've proven quite nicely."

I pick at my sleeve. "Fine. Whatever." I was being stubborn, but it was annoying. They picked me for this, I don't like the idea of being screwed with.

James smirked.

"What?"

"You just need to get used to how these guys operate. They're not doing it to piss you off, they need to know these things."

"I know. It's just frustrating." I look at my watch. "I gotta head back to my quarters, got a meeting first up tomorrow. Can't believe I've been here two weeks already."

…

Song in this one is The Who "You Better You Bet". Good song.


	4. 004 Week 3

I'm a huge Evan Lorne fan, and he'll feature in some of my stories. Hope you like.

…

…

…

~ WEEK THREE ~

…

"Well that wasn't too bad, was it?"

"Suppose not. Sometimes it feels like I'm dealing with 10 year olds. Reminds me of my old job." _I hate meetings!_

Reilly laughed. "Hey, you up for a team night? We're thinking of going bowling tonight."

"Yeah, sure, sounds good."

"Excellent, we're leaving an hour early." He paused. "You wanna invite Matthews?"

I laugh. Of the whole 'team', I seemed to relate better to the reclusive man.

"Sure, no problems."

I didn't see Matthews until an hour or so after, then I got him cornered. "Hey, Matty. Can you do me a favour?"

He looked at me. "Of course."

"Excellent, meet us here at five."

He blinked. "What?"

"Well, the favour is to go bowling tonight with us, and you just agreed. We're knocking off an hour early, and leaving at five." I turn to walk away. "Don't be late!" I call over my shoulder, not waiting for him to protest.

"Matthews should be in," I report to Reilly. "But I kinda suckered him, so he may just not show up."

"Suckered him?"

I shrug. "Was the best option. Didn't give him a chance to say no."

He chuckled. "Well, we'll see. Hey, do you wanna invite that Captain Lance, or Major Ranklin?"

I pause. "Maybe." I head back to my office, and pull the door closed, ready to get into some heavy reading.

Before I can even get comfortable on the couch someone knocks on my door.

"Jell-O?"

Matthews enters, looking entirely out of his comfort zone. I ditch my cigarette, and smile at him angelically. "Yes, Matthews?"

"I do not know how to bowl."

I look at him. _Is he joking? _"Well that's okay. We can help you out." I think of something. "You know, I don't even know your first name."

He looked uncomfortable. "Michael."

"Cool, okay, Mike. Well you know we're just going for fun, right? Bit of a group night, get to know each other a bit before we head to Atlantis?"

He nodded. "I understand."

"Come here, sit down for a sec."

He moved slowly to sit next to me on the couch.

"I get it, really. You're not good in social situations. Is that why you joined the military?"

"No, ma'am."

"Okay, so why did you join?"

"To serve my country." He stood abruptly. "I should leave, I have work to complete."

I smile. "Sure, no probs. You gonna show up?"

"Yes."

"Good. Hey," he paused before leaving. "It'll be fun, okay?"

He nodded, and closed the door behind him.

_Food for thought…_

…

The night really as fun. Until we headed back to Reilly's place for 'a few drinks'. That turned into a bit of a drunken night, and I'm not used to that. Before I left my old job I'd started going out some Fridays to a workmate's place, and they were fun, but I still wasn't used to people just accepting me the way I am.

I thought I handled it pretty well, until I woke up the next morning and it all came back to me. I'd told them everything. My touch phobia, my depressive tendencies, the fear that grips me when I'm in a 'negative' environment.

I felt like a tool. I lay in Reilly's spare bed, staring at the ceiling, running through everything that had been said.

"_I want this to be a good team! The best logistics team!" Reilly swayed a little, and regained his balance. "We gotta be honest with each other." He looked at me pointedly. "If we're gonna get to Atlantis and survive, we need to know we have each other's backs. So I think we should make a pact. If anyone has any issues, inside or out of work, you're to see me, or another team member. We need to get through this together. That means if you're scared of making mistakes," he looked at 'Nick' Hopwell, "or if you're uncomfortable for any reason," Mike, "or if you're feeling depressed, or freaked out about stuff." That one was for me. "We need to count on each other, and trust each other. That starts now!"_

We'd all drunkenly agreed, clinking glasses to seal the deal. Shortly after, I'd dropped my glass, and we decided it was time to crash. Reilly had a large place, and he showed us all to our short-term rooms.

He'd graced me with the only spare with a ensuite, so I got up and washed my face. I used the toilet, and dressed, apprehensive about facing my team mates.

I glanced at the clock, and blanched. Eight.

When I got out to the main lounge, I grimaced at the mess we'd left.

"Guys?" There was no answer.

I quietly opened one of the bedroom doors, and grinned. I checked the others, and turns out they were all still asleep.

As quietly as I could I tidied up the lounge and kitchen. I picked up the large pieces of glass on the floor from my mishap, and ran some hot water into the mop bucket. Before long the lounge was clean again, and the dishes were done. I sat outside and lit a smoke, waiting for the boys.

"Erin?" Reilly looked as bad as I felt. He was shirtless, which I quietly appreciated, and he had a pretty awful case of bed-head.

"What's up, boss?"

"We're a little late for work," he deadpanned.

"Yeah, just a tad. You're not gonna get into shit for it, are ya?"

He laughed. "Nah, it's all good. Did you clean up?"

"Yeah, just a little."

He collapsed into the chair next to me. "That was nice of you." His eyes were closed, and I used the chance to really look at him. He was nice-looking, about mid-thirties, and had a small scar in his eyebrow, making it look crooked. He opened one eye, and I blushed.

"You don't always have to be so nice, Er."

I frowned. "It's what I do."

"I get that. I've seen you work. You work twice as hard as everyone else, because you're so scared to fail. It's okay to let go every once and a while."

We sat in silence for a while, and the other two joined us.

"Well that was interesting," Michael said, and I saw a hint of a smile.

I grinned. "Oh, come on. Our company wasn't that bad, was it?"

"No. It was a fun night."

"Good. That was the plan. Now, speaking of plans, what are we doing today?"

"Well you're all late for work, but seeing as how it's your bosses fault, I guess I'll overlook it this time. I'm hitting the shower, you guys hang around for a few minutes. We'll head to the base and you can all wash up and get changed, we'll aim to start work at 10."

…

We arrived on the base, and got quite a few double-takes as we walked through the hallways. I'm guessing we looked like we'd had a hard night, which wasn't far from the truth. I headed to my quarters, and showered quickly, putting extra makeup on, in a failed attempt to look less hung over.

I stopped by the mess and collected pastries and coffee for all of us, and headed to the warehouse. Reilly was in his office, staring at his screen, and I handed him a coffee and Danish, he muttered thanks, and I backed out, knowing he probably felt as bad as he looked. The other men weren't there yet, so I left two coffees and the bag of Danishes on a bench, before grabbing one for myself.

Retreating to my office, I pulled my door closed behind me. I turned my music up slightly, lying on the couch with that same file on the Ancients.

It really was mind-blowing. I wish I'd been involved with this from the start. I may not have joined the military, but civilian contractor would have been nice a few years ago.

"_Atlantis Logistics Team to the briefing room! Atlantis Logistics Team to the briefing room!"_

I jerked awake, not even aware I'd drifted off, and put the file aside. I yawned as I walked out to meet the rest of the team, and I'm sure I looked as confused as they did. "What's up, sir?"

"No idea, Erin. Let's go."

We walked quickly to the briefing room, to find Teal'c and another cute guy waiting. _What's with this place and only hiring models?_

"Please, have a seat," the young Major said. "I'm Major Evan Lorne, and I'm sure you all know Teal'c."

We nod, and sit down around the large table.

"So we've got just under two weeks now before you ship out to Atlantis. We have decided that it would be best if you all had some experience in going off-world before heading out. To that end, we have scheduled you to go on an overnight mission."

My jaw drops open, and I struggle to think straight. _ZOMG!_ _Holy shit._

He passes around another file. "Read this. We ship out tomorrow 0800. Don't be late, the train won't wait for you." His eyes twinkle, and I swear he knows what we're all thinking.

At least the other guys have been off-world before, but this was totally new to me. I like camping, which goes in my favour for an over night trip, but I'm nervous as all hell. _OMG I'm going through the gate!_

I focus on Lorne again, but he just dismisses us and leaves. I walk back to the warehouse in a bit of a daze, but I was aware of Reilly trying not to laugh, probably at the expression on my face.

"Wow."

The guys laughed.

"Seriously, wow! I'm going off-world. Ho-oly shit!"

"You are aware that to get to Atlantis you were going to have to go through the gate, yes?"

"Well yeah, but this is… this is tomorrow! Crap! What should I take…" I start muttering, mainly to myself, certainly incoherently.

We get back to the warehouse, and Reilly takes charge.

"Alright guys, we've still got work ahead of us, but I'm being nice, so take your time to read through the briefing Major Lorne gave you."

We went our separate ways, and I went back to my trusty couch, lighting a smoke as I say down.

It was a simple 'mission'. Go to the planet, hike a few clicks, set up camp and get some soil, flora and water samples. Lorne would be accompanying us, but Reilly was the lead. It sounded like fun.

…

Lights on the gate started to glow, and the inner ring started to spin.

I heard my favourite sergeant's voice call the chevrons over the PA system, and what looked like a wave of water ka-wooshed, leaving a vertical puddle behind.

"SGAL, you have a go."

I wasn't a fan of our team name, bit too much like SLAG for a dyslexic, but my suggestion of "Team Awesome" was turned down by the higher-ups. Shame that.

We picked up our gear, and walked to the event horizon. I think my heart was beating a million times per minute as we approached. Matthews walked straight into it, and with a nod from Reilly, Hopwell and Lorne followed.

"You ready for this?"

I paused for a second, then grinned. "Hell yeah!"

We walked through together, and it was a rush like nothing else. It _felt_ like I had been pulled apart and put back together again by the time I got to the other side, but it didn't hurt. Was just… weird. I laughed, euphoric, and the men smiled at my reaction. "Wow, that was in-fuckin'-tense! Can I go back and do it again?"

"Not now, but we do want you to get more experience, just like other people who have only just been exposed to the program, so you'll get more time to do it later, Miss Anderson." Lorne was friendly, but what I'd started to call "military-nice". Respectful, polite and always happy to help anyone, but he had a diplomat's mind, not that that is a bad thing, and the smile wasn't fake, just a well-used one around people he didn't know. So I had better change that.

"Erin, Major, my name is Erin." I give my trademark mock-salute.

"Of course, ma'am," he replies, and I sigh.

Reilly seems amused by our short exchange, but he lets it pass, and guides us from the gate. He takes the lead, with Lorne on our six, and we start hiking through a forest. We pass a stream, and Reilly instructs Matthews to collect some water samples. I give him a hand, and before long we're on our way again. We reach the campsite in good time, with about four hours of light left, and we set up camp.

Hopwell was struggling with his tent, so Reilly helped him, showing him patently how to put it up.

"Thanks, sir. They're a little different from basic training, too many guy-lines." He blushed, aware of Lorne's presence.

"Dude, chill. You got it now, and we're sweet. Come on, I may have brought some recreational gear."

Before we got into recreation, Reilly had Matthews and Hopwell collect soil samples from multiple areas, and Lorne and I collect some tree and fern samples.

I found out that Lorne was quiet, and our short time together re-enforced my "military-nice" assessment. I sighed while cutting a twig from a tree, and he looked at me.

"You okay, ma'am?"

I smile. "Of course, Lorne. I'd much rather you call me Erin, though. So what's your position at the SGC?"

"I'm a pilot, however I'm grounded until I get medically cleared. I'm cleared for regular off-world missions, just not flying."

"Why are you grounded?" I ask, curious.

He grinned sheepishly. "Broke my arm off-duty. It's virtually healed, the Air Force is just cautious with it's pilots."

I nod. "Well I'm glad you're here, if not pleased of why."

We finish up and head back to camp.

"Okay, you boys know how to play cricket?"

Three blank stares and a smile.

"It's easy, I'm sure you'll manage." I set up the wicket, and hand the bat to Matthews. "You're up. Now, we're not playing real cricket or anything, for two reasons. Reason one: the rules are too complicated. Reason two: I have no idea what the rules are. All you gotta do is hit the ball, and don't let it hit the wicket. The bowler aims for the wicket. We'll do one hand one bounce, can't go out first bowl."

More blank faces. I sigh. "Matthews, stand here and hit the ball when I throw it. Lorne, stand behind the wicket and catch the ball if he misses. You two go stand over there," I point to where Matthews might hit, "and I'll bowl. Try to catch the ball before it hits the ground, but if it bounces once, catch it one handed to get him out. We're just having fun, not playing for sheep-stations."

The split up and I 'bowl' the ball. I'm no good at bowling… or cricket, so I just throw over arm. I turn around, and Matthews looks a little scared.

I grin, and bowl carefully. And hit the stumps.

Matthews looks dejected, and starts handing the bat to Lorne.

"Nah, come on. Bit of practice, eh?" I call out, and Lorne throws the ball to me.

After a while we've all had a turn batting and bowling. Lorne had an aptitude I was surprised at, while Matthews, less surprisingly, was the worst.

It got dark quickly, and we abandoned the game to sit around a makeshift fire and eat dinner.

"It's been fun!"

The boys agreed, and we turned in for the night.

…

We finish the 'mission' with no incident, and the debrief takes about fifteen minutes. Reilly gives us the remainder of the morning off, and we agree to meet back at the warehouse at 12.30.

I was dressed and had eaten lunch by 11am, and had also caught up with James. I felt like I hadn't seen him in ages, even though it was only four days. I picked up an apple from my fruit bowl and headed back to the warehouse.

Still grinning from the cricket 'game' yesterday, I sit behind my desk, with my feet on it, and pull my laptop onto my legs.

…

The rest of the week was a blur again, we did one more off-world 'mission', and I was stoked, because a group of engineers came too, including Jake, which was great. We were promised at least one more off-world before the big day, and I fell asleep Friday night happy.


	5. 005 Week 4

~ WEEK FOUR ~

It was getting close to D-Day, and preparations were in full swing. The days were long, and I was in my element. Reilly had daily meetings with other department heads, and I tagged along occasionally, finding the interactions interesting. The head of science was an arrogant punk, but he knew his stuff. The head doctor was a Scottish man, seemed really nice, and the accent was wonderful. I was less than enthused about the military leader, Sumner. Blunt and to the point, he and the head of science often butted heads in the meetings, seemingly almost coming to blows, but the expedition leader, Dr. Elizabeth Weir kept them in check, at least during the meetings.

We had another great night out, Jake and James came with us to a game of mini-golf. Drinks again at Reilly's place ended the night, though there was no touchy-feely stuff this time, thank God, just alcohol and half-decent music.

We went off-world again, this time a practise run for the expedition, taking the pallet movers with us. I was still trying to think of a cool name for them, but I knew I'd come up with something. The 'racking' on the pallet movers was empty for training purposes, but the whole logistics team had spent time driving them to get used to the feel, with and without the racking attached. In the end they were based on the design of a Light Strike Vehicle, though smaller, and the trailer simply hooked onto the back of it.

One thing I couldn't get used to was the resources the Government was throwing at this expedition. I wouldn't want to hazard a guess at how much the construction of the 22 vehicles would be, or even the simple racking trailers, yet it was all made without the batting of an eyelid. I wonder what budget we had.

The test run went well, we gated to a planet that had sand for miles around the gate, and drove for quite a while, again getting used to the feel of the movers. After a few hours of being off-world, we head back, and go to the infirmary for the checkup.

We all pass, and I head back to the warehouse.

Doodling on a piece of paper, I try to think of an awesome acronym, and what it could stand for. I sigh, and close my eyes. The current song ended, and Monty Python's _The Spam Song_ started. I sit up. _Spam… S…Specialized! P is easy, pallet, M is good too, Mover… A… come on! So close! Attachment!_

"Specialized Pallet Attachment Mover! I like that one!" _Okay, what about SPAMALOT? Duh, And Lots of Other Things! Done!_

"Yo, boss!" I head over to Reilly's office. "I've got the name for the pallet movers!"

He looks a little scared, and I grin.

"SPAMALOT! Or, SPAM for short."

"And this stands for...?" He almost sounded to afraid to ask.

"Specialized Pallet Attachment Mover And Lots of Other Things!"

He grinned. "Alright, that will do, I suppose. How you going with your study?"

"Yeah, good. It's all so freakin' intense, you know?"

"I do know, believe me. You ready to ship out?"

It was Friday afternoon, so we only had two more days on Earth, shipping out Monday morning.

"Yeah, good to go, boss."

"Alright, let's lock up and start the weekend. Hopwell and Matthews have left already, I don't want you here until Monday, okay?"

"Yeah boss, no probs."

We walk out together, and he walks me to my quarters.

"Enjoy your weekend."

"You too, boss-man. Drive safe."

I decide that the best thing to do now is have a nap. James was coming after his shift and I was spending the weekend at his place, just chilling, so I packed a change of clothes, took a shower and crashed.

…

As I suspected, I was woken by loud banging on my door. "Erin!"

"Let yourself in, lazy bugger!"

Unlike the first time we drove to his house, we talked non-stop the whole time, about the military, Atlantis, the Stargates, everything we could think of. We ordered pizza for dinner and kept talking, well into the night.

The next morning followed the same pattern. James cooked breakfast, and then we headed into town. I wanted to pick up a few extra clothes, and just relax. We bought sandwiches from a deli, and had lunch in a park. Around 1pm I fell asleep on the grass, and I woke feeling wide awake and refreshed. We talked about everything we could think of, only delaying talking about me leaving. I was sad that he wasn't coming too, but he had responsibilities on Earth, and as much as it upset me I understood.

We went back to his place, and just for laughs watched the first season of Wormhole X-Treme. It was so funny to watch, and when he told me that the producer was actually an alien I choked on my Jack and Coke.

"Are you serious?"

He laughed at the incredulous look on my face. "Yup, it's true. You've probably got the mission report somewhere in your files. SG1 strikes again."

The next day was identical, except at around 4pm he drove me back to the base. The car ride was silent.

"I'm gonna miss you, James," I say eventually, breaking the silence.

He looked at me. "It's been fun."

"More fun than raiding with you. And that's saying a lot."

He laughed, and we pulled into the base car park. "I'm gonna leave you here, Erin."

"Thanks, James. For everything. You've given me an opportunity I would never have thought possible. It's gonna be great, and I owe it to you."

"Hey, this isn't good-bye forever. If we establish two-way travel from here to there you'd better visit, or I'll have to come looking for you. It's been great getting to know you, Er. The last month has been fun. The best."

I wave, and he drives away slowly. I feel like crying, but I just sign back into the base, nodding to the Sergeant on desk duty.

I head to the gym for the last time, and spend more time with the treadmill.

As I thought, now that I'm about to leave, I know my way around the base, and I smile wryly to myself.

For the first time since I'd been here, I push aside the stack of files and just crash without reading anything. _OMG tomorrow I'll be in another galaxy! Fuck, this is for real._


	6. Rising I & II

From here on in, the rest of this story will follow the basic plot of Atlantis.

I'm a fan of angst, so it won't be all sunshine and carebears.

I've done a bit of a bad, been a little self-indulgent in this chapter, you'll see what I mean, sorry in advance, but I thought it might make it more interesting…

Also, most chapters probably won't be this long, I really wanted to wrap it up long before I did, but couldn't work out how to!

…

…

…

~ RISING ~

~ PARTS ONE AND TWO ~

…

"Okay guys, this is what we prepared for. Are you ready for this?"

I look over at Hopwell and Matthews. Hopwell looked nervous, excited. Matthews looked impassive. I grinned. "Bring it on."

We turned to look at the Stargate, and I unconsciously stepped back as it opened. "Never gonna get used to that."

We watch, silent, as the MALP gets sent through, and collectively hold our breaths. The 'all clear' is said, and we prepare the twenty two SPAMS for deployment. In the end we had decided to send them through with drivers, not remote controlled, to make them more secure on the other side.

The higher-ups had decided that all the supplies and personal belongings would get sent through first, then the leader, Dr. Weir would make a speech, finally the rest of the people would go though. I'd volunteered to miss the speech and drive a SPAM through to help organise the other side. Sounded better than a freaking speech. I climbed into my SPAM, and gave one last look around the 'Gate room. I nod at Matthews and Reilly. Hopwell had taken the first SPAM through, and gave them a very serious mock-salute. "See you boys on the other side." _Arrrrrgh!_

I think I held my breath on the way through, but to be totally honest, I couldn't remember. The Gate felt longer than usual, which was odd, because for travellers the feeling in instantaneous. I emerged into a large room, and looked around. I slowly manoeuvred the SPAM behind the last one, and hit the STOP button. It was incredible. There was twenty one other personnel in the large room, all military. It was massive. The first thing you see when you enter through the 'Gate is a staircase, leading to God-knows-where, and a whole lot of consoles and important looking things. I saw a stack of white sheets, and Hopwell shrugged. "We were curious."

I grin. "I would be, too. The others shouldn't be too long, this place rocks!"

Before long, Dr Weir stepped through the 'Gate. I was glad I was on this side, because I got to see her eyes light up like a kid's. More followed her, and soon the place was full, and people had spread out to loiter on the staircase.

Reilly and Matthews met Hopwell and myself at the parked SPAMs.

"We're not to move anything until Security have done a sweep, and we get some idea of where everything is supposed to go."

"Yes, sir," Matthews intoned

"We found anywhere I can smoke yet?" _Worth a shot._

Reilly rolled his eyes. "You'll be the first to know, Anderson."

I sighed comically, and reclaim my seat on the SPAM.

We hung around for about 20 minutes, before the panicking started. Apparently we're all going to die. The recon teams were recalled, and anyone who wasn't useful – like us Loggies - were shuffled to what would probably end up being the mess.

People were chatting, which was good. The 70 of us were gonna be working together in close quarters for God-knows-how-long, so ice breaking was a good thing. I wandered over to a 'window', and marvelled at the sight. I have no idea how deep we were, but the view was amazing.

I stuck my hands in my pockets, and walked over to an un-claimed area of bench. Despite there being so many of us, there was still plenty of space, so I took off my jumper and lay down on the bench, and used it was a pillow.

"Major Jones!" I sat up when I saw a familiar face walking towards me. "How you doing mate?"

He smiled, and sat next to me. "Fine. Not pleased with sitting and waiting, but I suppose that's all we can do, for now. Have you seen Lance?"

"Yeah, he was one of the useful ones, so he's probably standing around bored somewhere that's not here."

Jones smirked. "Probably. So what do you think?"

"About what? Finally being here? The dire situation? The food being stuck in the other room?"

"All of it. I know you spent a lot of time – hell, all your time – over the last month getting ready for this, and now we might all die?"

I scowl. "Look, doc, I get you're here to provide emotional support, and I recognise the need for that, but 5 minutes into the mission I don't need a counselling session. Besides that, shouldn't you be a little more positive than 'we're all gonna die'?" _Careful…_

He looked surprised at my annoyance. "I wasn't trying to counsel anyone, Erin. I was just curious how people are taking this. And part of my job is to be realistic, I'm sorry if that doesn't mesh with your idea of a psychologist." He stood up and left, leaving me feeling like an idiot.

_Dammit Erin! Can't you just keep your mouth shut for once?_

I feel like crying, _stupid bitch!_, so I just lie back down, and focus on breathing.

A young marine rushed into the room. "Major Reilly? I need to speak to Major Reilly!"

I sat up, curious, as Reilly moved forward. They spoke for a short period of time, then Reilly called Matthew, Hopwell and myself.

…

We were shipping out. Assuming we could find a planet we could move to.

So the plan was that we get everything ready to go – thank God we hadn't unloaded any of the pallets yet – then as soon as we got the go ahead from the recon guys we were out. So now I knew where Lance was. Exploring other worlds already, lucky bastard. We picked out a few other people – guys that had brought the SPAMs through the 'Gate, just to be ready.

We were back to loitering around the SPAMs when the 'Gate opened, and the 'iris' was lowered. A team rushed in, and to my surprise they were followed by a bunch of civilians.

"Major Sheppard!" _Wow, she looks pissed! _"Major Sheppard, who are all these people?"

"Survivors from the settlement. We were attacked. Sumner and some of our men were taken." He paused, probably noticing the whole freaking base shaking. "What's going on?"

"We are in no condition to help anyone right now."

"What the hell's going on here?"

"We are about to abandon the city," Weir looked stressed. _Probably not one of her best days._

"Going back there is a really bad idea."

"Major Sheppard, the shield is about to fail and the ocean is about to come crashing in on us. Do you have a better place for us to go?"

Sheppard turns to the villagers, and looks at a young boy. "Jinto, do you have any other address we could gate to?"

"Yes. Many."

Sheppard grabbed his arm and hurried him towards the stairs leading to the Control Room.

"He's just a boy!" Weir protested.

"I am Jinto," the young boy says, as Sheppard rushes him to up the stairs.

"She's pleased to meet you," Sheppard comments, not slowing.

A geeky guy at a control starts panicking. "The shield is collapsing!"

Atlantis shakes, and everyone is thrown off their feet. Blinding pain. "Fuck!" I've hit my head on one of the beams on a SPAM, and my fingers are slick with blood when I put my hand up to check.

Reilly rips one of the old sheets and hands it to me. I scrunch it into a ball, and press it against my forehead. He passes me strip, and I tie it around my head. I'll have to see a doctor later, but imminent dying is more important.

I look up again, and try to work out what's happening.

One of the young Army boys looks around. "We're on the surface!"

Sun was shining, and water was streaming down the windows. It may have been the blood loss, but it was beautiful.

"I was hoping for another day. Looks like we just got a whole lot more than that. Let's not waste it." _Thanks, walking cliché!_ I grin to myself, and wince when I feel blood dripping into my eye.

"Little help maybe?"

"Doctor Beckett!" Reilly calls the attention of a cute young guy.

"Oh dear," _I would die to hear that accent again… hmmmm…_ "okay, sit up on this cart thing, come on. You, could you please try to find some of my supplies? I was told it's on number 14, if that helps."

He carefully pulled the makeshift bandage off, and I just close my eyes and try to focus on my breathing. As cute as he was, he was in my personal space, and I was freaking a little.

"It's alright, Erin. You're okay."

I looked at Reilly, appreciative. I knew the double-meaning in his words, even if Beckett didn't.

His hands brushed my face, moving my hair back, and I drew in a sharp breath, flinching slightly.

Reilly kept talking, neutrally, to Beckett about random things, I knew it was for me to focus on. It was becoming easier for me to ignore physical stimulus, especially if I was using my other senses.

Beckett was finished, and I thanked him. I expected an odd look, the same look I always got when people saw my phobia first hand, but he just smiled and left, pulling his gloves off.

Reilly looked at me. "You okay?"

"Yeah," I replied, shaky breaths returning to normal.

He gave me a look.

"I will be okay," I amended. Having the team know about my phobia was a blessing, and a curse. Blessing, because they were all good about it, and often helped in situations like that, and curse because of our stupid honesty pact.

I look around. People were still milling. "Where's Captain Lance?" I ask.

"Haven't seen him," Reilly replied, frowning.

My stomach turned._ No…_ I saw 'Sheppard', the Major who was now the new military commander. Lance had gone with him. "Sheppard!"

He was talking with Weir, and some of the natives of the other world, and he turned. "Yes?"

"Jake… Captain Lance. Where is he?"

Sheppard's expression changed. His eyes softened, and mouth hardened. "I'm sorry. You knew him?"

"What happened?" I was dying on the inside. He was just a kid, like me.

"He was protecting the Athosians." He put his hand out, to put on my shoulder.

I flinched away, knowing he would misunderstand. I didn't know what to say. "I… uh- okay. Uh, excuse me." I stumbled away, away from everyone. A wall opened as I walked past it, and I slipped through. Cold air hit me, and I realized I was on a balcony. I fumbled for my cigarettes and lighter. _You knew it was dangerous, so did Lance. But to die, hours after making it here, hours before safety. Oh God!_

I fell to the ground, and sobbed. I wanted to scream, hit something. So not me.

"Erin?"

I pulled my knees up, and hugged myself, still sobbing.

Reilly sat next time me. "Erin, I'm so sorry."

He was fighting the urge to hug me, I knew, so I leaned away from him, against a pillar.

I couldn't speak, not yet. After at least ten minutes I quietened, and he silently passed me a tissue. I wiped my eyes, then blew my nose. The action made me want to cry again, but I fought it. There'd be time for that, when I was alone. I hated crying, especially in front of people.

My breathing returned to normal, and I realized that I was shivering in the cold air.

"You coming inside?"

I tried to talk, and my voice cracked. I cough. "Do we have quarters assigned yet?"

"No, but I know where they are. Crash out for a while."

We stand, my legs are still shaking, but I follow him, somewhat unsteady. He led me around the throng of people, and into a small room, reminiscent of an elevator. He pushed a button, and a few moments later the doors re-opened, and we step out. We walked a short distance, tears still clouding my eyes.

He slides his hand on a panel. The door opens, and I step in.

"I'll leave you for now." He tapped his earpiece. "You need me, you call, Erin."

I nod. He hesitates, and then steps back. The door closes, and I look around the room. It's simple, and thank God for the air system, because there was no dust anywhere to be seen. Technology for the win. I pull off my boots and socks, and take off my pants. The bed was surprisingly comfortable, and I fell asleep within minutes.

…

"Ugh…" Someone was calling me. Right in my ear. My pulse quickened, and I jerked up, before realizing I'd left my earpiece on.

"Miss Anderson?"

I touch the back of it. "Yes?"

"It's Doctor Beckett. Could you possibly come to the infirmary? Need to make sure that cut doesn't get infected."

I nod, then realize he can't see me. "Sure. I'll probably get lost, but I'm on my way, Doc."

He chuckles. "See you shortly, then."

The connection cuts out, and I sigh. I dress, and wash my face the best I can around the bandage.

It takes me a few wrong turns, but I eventually make it to the infirmary.

"Ah, there you are," he is smiling, and much too cheerful. "I understand you're part of the logistics team? Very good job, they delivered some of my supplies already, without one breakage!"

I feel guilty, thinking about my nap, but Reilly didn't really seem to mind, so I nod, feigning interest. _Okay, now comes one hard part._

"Have a seat up here, Miss Anderson."

I sit on the bed gingerly. "Please, doctor, call me Erin. I'm not military, and much prefer it."

He smiles, and I can't help smiling back. _Damn he's cute!_

I force myself to freeze, and breathe normally as he steps close to remove the bandage.

"You alright, Erin?" He asks, keeping his voice level and quiet.

"Yeah, doc." The bandage is removed, and he wipes around the cut carefully. His movements are measured, calm, and I realize he knows more than the casual observer. My arm muscles tense, and I close my eyes, breathing in and out.

"Haptephobia?"

I open my eyes quickly, and pull away. Irrational! "Just a touch," I try to make a joke of it, but Beckett just nods.

"All done, love." He steps back, and I slowly get of the bed.

I thank him, wander the halls until I end up back at the 'gate room. There were still some people floating around, and I saw Sheppard, Weir and some other people talking up the stairs.

"Okay guys!" Reilly called.

Our team gathered. "They've established "the warehouse", and we are good to go! They wouldn't share with me, but apparently we'll be pleased with what we find down there."

It was only the four of us moving the pallets, everyone else had jobs of their own, so we all got on a SPAM and slowly followed Reilly. We pulled up in a corridor. "This is it!" Reilly called out, and we drove into a massive room.

It was easily as big as the warehouse I used to work in, which was the equivalent of two aeroplane hangers. It had the high-tech look, same as the rest of the facility, and the lights turned on as we entered. There was at least twenty racks, going at least ten 'spaces' high. I guess the Ancients had bigger pallets, or at least stacked higher than us, because the spaces were bigger that our pallets, but the place was so huge it wasn't an issue. The only problem I could see, was that there was still things in many of the spaces. _What the hell?_

"Uhm… Reilly? What the?"

"We have no idea what is in the racking, so first things first, let's get all the SPAMs in here, then we're gonna have some fun with their systems."

It took the better part of two hours to move all the SPAMs into the warehouse. When we finished Reilly called a scientist to help us with the systems.

He was also cute, and had a Czech accent which made him hot, if a little too old, as far as I was concerned. "Okay, so it's a good system. Basically they use transporters to move things to and fro, which is good, and easy. So if I just…" he pressed some buttons, and 'pallet' appeared on a landing pad of sorts. He continued muttering and playing with the console, so Reilly turned back to us.

"Erin, I want you to work with Dr. Zelenka to learn this. He's busy, so we won't have him for long, I need you to know everything about this system. Hopwell, Matthews, you're with me. We're to deliver everything we can that doesn't need storage."

The three left, and Zelenka and I spent the afternoon looking at system files and codes. None of which I understood, but at least by the end of it I knew how to do everything we needed. The user interface was simple to use, the best system I'd ever used, another sign at how advanced the Ancients were. Zelenka was good, patient and didn't patronize or condescend when I didn't get something. He was fun to work with, and left me wanting to learn Czech after he'd go off on a mini-rant about something he didn't understand about the system. His accent was something I found amusing, not that I'd ever tell him. I'm not sure how many times I asked him to repeat something, yet he was still patient. And that went both ways. Because I'd never left Australia, I didn't have much experience with dealing with accents, aside from the common ones in Melbourne, so often I'd find myself repeating myself too.

After Zelenka left I put my headphones on, cranked the Fratellis, and spent the rest of my time cataloguing our inventory, and systematically transporting our goods into the racking.

I'd worked out a system where I'd transport the Ancient's goods onto the pad, then moving it to a spare space elsewhere, so our gear was in order. The boys had gone for lunch, but I didn't feel like taking a break. The work was therapeutic, which is why I'd liked logistics in the first place. I wasn't good at maths or anything like that, but give me a warehouse and stock and I'd have a ball.

The Ancient's system maintained everything well, so even once I'd moved their stuff, it retained what was in the 'containers', and the new location. Once all our goods was stored, I looked at what the Ancients had left behind.

"Erin!"

I pulled off my headphones, and turned. Reilly grinned.

"What you up to?"

I started to explain, but when I get excited I tend to talk fast. And if I'm really excited I talk fast and stutter. Reilly was used to it by now.

He cut me off halfway through. "Okay. Well we've finished distributing all the rest of the goods, I'd say that's a days work."

"Hang on, I just wanna finish this. You head out. The other boys gone?"

"Yeah. I'll be working out a schedule, I suppose we should have someone here at all times once we're set up."

"Well that's cool, because it will take ages to sort all the Ancient's stuff."

He nodded. "I expected as much." He turned to go, then paused. "How you doing?"

"Focusing on work. It helps."

"You know you can talk to me, if you need."

"I appreciate it, sir, but I can't do that. Not now." I smiled brightly. "You have a good night."

"I will. There's a bit of a meet and greet going on with the Athosians. Don't be here too late."

"I'll be gone soon." _Liar. You're loving this. Nothing will get you out of here._ "Oh, by the way, I've shotgunned my office."

"Office?"

"Well, there are five. Don't worry, I didn't take the biggest one."

He laughed. "I'll look at it tomorrow. Don't be too late."

I nod, and put my headphones back on.

Cataloguing the Ancient's 'stuff' was going to take a very long time, and I was looking forward to it. I was trying to be good, and not get too curious of any of the technology, but one item caught my eye. It was a small pedestal, about two feet high, with a bubble of some sort on the top. For some reason I felt compelled to look at it closer. There were no buttons or anything that I could see, and start to send it back into the shelving, but I hesitate. I have no idea why, but I reach out, and touch the bubble with the tips of my fingers.

…

_Come on Erin! What the hell were you thinking? Dammit._

"I'm okay."

_Oh, thank God! Why the hell did you do that?_

"I didn't mean it. I was curious, is all."

_What the hell? Can she hear me? _"Erin, hey…"

I opened my eyes. Reilly was standing over me, looking concerned.

"How do you feel?" _God I hope she's okay…_

_ I wonder what's for dinner tonight, hope it's not that damn…_

_ … invited me to lunch tomorrow, I don't know…_

_ … no, those needles go in the other draw! Idiot, pay attention to…_

"It's so loud in here," I murmur, not quite awake yet.

Reilly looks confused. _What is she on about?_

I drifted asleep again.

…

"She was saying some weird stuff, doctor. Said it was too loud in here, but no one was talking."

"Well she hit her head pretty hard – for the second time in two days. I wouldn't worry about it at this stage, Major." _Where did I leave that file? Right, on the cabinet… I hope that's all he wants, I am quite busy today…_

_ I'm so worried. As strange as Erin is, she's never looked that confused before… _"Thanks, doctor."

"Any time, son."

_Come on, wake up again. We're worried about you._

I open my eyes again. "Hey," I say softly. Reilly is slouched in an uncomfortable looking chair next to my bed. When I speak he sits up straighter, looking at me.

"Welcome back, Er." _Thank god._

"Thanks, boss." _What the hell? Am I hearing voices?_

_ … maybe next time he won't forget…_

_ It's not like I do it all the time, it was a one time thing. And who's she to judge…_

_ … never going to make it home. I miss them so much already…_

"What happened?"

_You played with Ancient technology! We were warned, dammit!_ "Apparently while you were cataloguing the Ancient's technology you inadvertently activated a device." _What the hell possessed you?_

I flinch from the anger in his… hang on, he didn't say that part. _I can read minds? No fucking way. This day cannot get any worse!_ "Tim… please, think of a number, any number."

_What the hell is she on about? Whatever… 3.14_.

"Pi?"

_What. The. Fuck._ "Erin? What-"

"I know what the device does."

_Pure thoughts, pure thoughts… _"Oh?" He asked. _Don't say it._

I look down. "Fine, I won't say it. But you know."

_Shit, shit, shit._

"I'm sorry."

_Ah, don't say that! _"It's okay, Erin." _Wow, it really is. I don't mind… that's odd._

"Yeah, it is."

He grimaced.

"Sorry."

_So, you can hear me?_

"Yeah. Loud and clear."

_This is screwed up._

"For sure. I had no idea this would happen, I'm so sorry. God, how am I going to do anything? No one is going to want to work with me! I don't want to hear it! I don't want to know anything like this!"

_It will be okay. _"Don't panic, Er."

_So, now that's done, I'd better check on the young Miss Anderson. She should be awake again by now…_

"Doctor Beckett is coming." I realize what I've said, and sigh.

_This is amazing._

"No, it's not," I say, quietly.

"Miss Anderson!"

"Erin, please, doctor."

He smiled. "How are you feeling?" He shone a penlight in my eyes, and nodded, tucking it away. _Looks good, not concussion, she should be able to leave soon._

"Fine, doc."

_Are you going to tell him?_

I shoot Reilly a look, which clearly said 'I have no idea what to say!'.

_Do you want him to know? Nod yes, ignore me for no._

I nod. Our exchange lasted only a second, faster than talking, for sure.

"Doctor. Erin and I have discovered what the device does."

Beckett looked at me in alarm. _Is she okay? Why wait to tell me?_ "Lass?"

"I… uh-" I looked at Reilly, pleading.

_You owe me._ "Okay, we're not crazy. But Erin can read minds."

_Yeah, right, sorry lad, you'll have to do better than that!_

"How, exactly, does it get better than that?" I ask.

_Holy crow!_

"Yeah, that's what I thought, too."

"What am I thinking right now?" _Haggis!_

"Haggis. But I probably could have guessed that, doc, no offence."

"Oh dear. Isn't this something." _It's wrong! Goes against the natural order!_

I sigh. "I know. I'm sorry. I didn't know-"

_Don't apologise, Er. It will be okay._

_I best let Dr. Weir know. God knows how she'll react…_

"No! Please, doctor, you can't tell anyone! No one will come near me! I don't want to have this!" I start crying, to my shame.

"It's alright, love. We won't tell the population, just Weir, Sheppard and Dr. McKay. They need to know."

I nod weakly. "Of course," I sniff. "Sorry, it's just…"

_It's alright, Er. Just breathe. We'll get through this._

I give Reilly a small smile.

_I'd better go now. This is a bit much._

"Thank you, doctor."

"I'll be back in a while. Try to get some rest." He leaves, and Tim pulls the curtain to give us some privacy.

"How you holding up?"

"This is fucked, Tim. I keep hearing small snatches, half thoughts."

"Okay, first thing, let's try to block it out."

I close my eyes.

_Focus on my thoughts._ He falters. _Fuck I hope this is right…_

_... and it's not like I didn't tell him- oh, shit, ow, maybe…_

_ I do like it here. The people are nice enough…_

And a flood of voices. I open my eyes. "I don't think I can do this."

_Yes, you can._ He started right into my eyes. _Come on, relax and block them out. Try thinking of it like a barrier, they're words can't get in._

I close my eyes, and breath, like when I used to meditate. Slowly the voices recede, and it's just Reilly in my head.

_I can see it's working already. Just breath in and out, focus on me._ He changed from thinking words to me, and just thought about memories, bowling, our time at Cheyenne Mountain, and a time before I knew him, when he was in training.

"That helped, thanks Reilly. You shouldn't have to do this." I was on the verge of tears again, and I turned away from him.

_Hey! _"It's okay Er. We're a team, remember? The best team." I could tell he was teasing, he was thinking about his drunken words from the first team night.

_WHAT? SHE CAN READ MINDS?_

I scream, the intensity of the thoughts like stabbing into my head.

Reilly grabbed my hand. _Snap out of it! Erin! Focus on me!_

He stares into my eyes again, and I stare at his. He forced his voice over Dr. McKay's, and I bite my lip, almost drawing blood.

_Who was it?_

"I… I'm not sure. But he's no where near here!"

_It's okay. What happened?_

"It was like an explosion in my head. I think the emotion made it stronger, and because he was talking about me."

_Who was it?_

The same question, but I felt compelled to answer this time. "Dr. McKay."

_Wait here, I'm not far away._

I lay down, and he left. I closed my eyes, thinking of Reilly, blocking everything out.

_"Beckett. Tell McKay to shut it. He's causing her pain, right now!"_

This was weird. He was speaking, but too far for me to hear, but I 'heard' his voice in my head.

_SHUT UP CARSON! I DON'T CARE! I DON'T WANT SOME PERSON IN MY HEAD!_

I whimper, my head throbbing.

_SHUT IT MCKAY! FOR FUCK'S SAKE, CALM DOWN!_

I scream again, unable to hold it in. The last person was Sheppard, and even though what he was thinking was in my defence it still fucking hurt.

_"Tell him if he doesn't stop, I'll make him stop!"_

I flinch from the venom in Reilly's voice, and focus on breathing again. _Just block it out, breathe._

One last explosion, and I black out.

…

_I'm getting sick of this. Erin! Erin! Erin! Erin! Erin!_

"Ugh, that's just annoying, you know."

"Awake… again. About time, too." _You had us worried._

"I'm sorry. What did I miss?"

_How does your head feel?_

"Fine. Bit of a headache, but nothing too bad. What happened?"

_You tell me. You don't remember?_

"Uhm… angry. Everyone was shouting. I must have blacked out. Can I leave? I need to walk, or run, or something. I feel blurgh."

_That's not even a word._

"No, but you knew what I mean, right?"

He grinned. "Yeah. It's weird. It's easier to talk without talking, you know?"

"That's because humans are lazy. But don't get used to it, it might look a little weird, me talking to you, answering questions and the like without you speaking." Suddenly I remember why they were yelling. "How did they take it?"

_Well I assume you heard some of it. At least McKay's side of it. Fucking idiot._ The last part wasn't directed at me, but like everything, I heard it too.

"I don't blame him. I don't know how you're taking it so well."

_Weir is curious, Sheppard sort of shrugged it off. But they're all sworn to secrecy. They realize how dangerous it could be if people know._

"Thank God." I didn't realize how worried I had been about that until Reilly had reassured me.

_You still wanna go out?_

"Yeah, come on."

_Clothes are here, I'll wait by the door._

"Thanks." I dress slowly, not looking forward to moving to a more populated area of Atlantis.

We venture out, Reilly focusing on positive thoughts. Thankfully the hallways are quiet, and only a few stray thoughts invade my mind. Reilly guides me to my quarters. _Do you want me to stay a while?_

"Yes, please. I don't want to be alone." I was still hearing people softly in my head, the occasional voice standing out to me, depending on the strength of their emotion, but nothing like the explosions in my mind before. McKay was examining the device, trying to determine if there was a way to turn it off.

_What are you thinking?_

"I- I can hear people. Dr. McKay swears a lot in his head. And… other things. Private things. Things I don't want to know." I sit on my bed, and twist the sheets in my hand. I only just notice my pallets on the side.

_It's okay, Er. This isn't your fault._

"I think you should go. I was wrong, I need to be alone for a while."

_Okay. If you need me, just let me know. Here, _he hands me my earpiece, and I take it gingerly. _Just try to take it easy. I'm sure you'll know, but I'll be thinking of you._

"Thank you, Tim."

He leaves, and I'm alone. I methodically go through my belongings, organising my clothes, music and random crap I didn't want to leave behind. I stick up my Living End cloth poster, and Dr. Who poster, and plug my small speakers into my IPod. I'll have to speak to Zelenka about power supply, but that can wait. My IPod won't die any time soon, though the battery will die faster powering my speakers. I put Eskimo Joe on quietly, and lie on my back.

_… no one can ever know. I wish that…_

_ Maybe if you'd take your head out of your ass for two minutes…_

_ … diet worked, the look on his face was priceless! Next time…_

_ … that algorithm won't work unless the laws of physics suddenly…_

_ Erin Anderson, eh?_

My eyes open quickly.

_So she just touched the bubble… well let's not do that. I just want to turn you off, stupid machine. Okay, Rodney, think. Ugh, I'm getting nowhere. Where's Zelenka? I'm hungry._

I sigh, and head for the shower.

So my first day on Atlantis and I hit my head – twice – and gain telepathic powers. Wonderful.

…

I wake up, head throbbing, and throw up in the sink. "Ugh." I brush my teeth and get dressed in trackies and an old shirt. Tying up my laces I grab my IPod and put on some Guns 'N Roses. Figure I'll jog till I get lost.

Focusing on the rhythm of my feel helps as I run through deserted hallways. I purposely chose a 'track' where no person would go, but I still hear people. Reilly and McKay are the loudest, and the most frequent, and I wonder at that. I hear Colonel Sheppard too, and figure it was because I'd been so exposed to all three of them. Great.

_I should speak to Erin. But I don't want to intrude. I can't imagine what she's going through._

I tap my earpiece. May as well initiate contact. "Dr. Weir. This is Erin Anderson. Would you like me to see you?"

She sounds surprised. _Should have expected that_. "Yes, please come to the control tower."

"I will be there in fifteen minutes, ma'am."

I head back to my quarters, no time for a shower, and get changed into someone more respectable. I make sure my lipstick looks okay, and buckle my boots. I get to the gate room, and make my way up the stairs. Lounging against Weir's desk is Colonel Sheppard, and McKay is sitting on the couch, looking agitated. Weir herself was sitting behind her desk, at my approach she stood.

"Miss Anderson. Thank you for coming."

"No problem, ma'am." I feel totally uncomfortable, and despite his best efforts, Rodney is making snide remarks in his head.

"Please, have a seat."

We move to the couch, and McKay keeps his distance. _Breathe, Erin,_ I tell myself.

"Carson has filled us in on your… condition. We just wanted to speak to you, to try to better understand the circumstances of how it occurred, as well as the ramifications."

I open my mouth, but cry out in pain. I glare at Rodney. "Why don't you leave then?" I demand. I lower my head, but still see the daggers in Sheppard's eyes, glaring at McKay. "I'm sorry," I speak to Dr. Weir. I start again. "I was cataloguing the Ancient supplies in the storage section. One of the devices… it had a kind of pull. I felt… compelled to-" I clench my teeth, and grab my head with my hands. "You're not helping!"

"Rodney, out, now," Sheppard commands, and the scientist glares at him.

"If she would stay out of my head-"

"I'm not in my head! You're in mine!" I growl. _What the hell is wrong with me? I'm not like this! Picking fights?_ "I can't block you out. You invade!"

He doesn't believe me, but with a final look at Sheppard he stalks out.

"I'm sorry about him."

I wave a hand dismissively. "I understand it."

"You said he invades your mind?" Weir questions, intrigued.

"You all do," I mutter. "I try to keep you out, I'm working on it. It's painful. I could hear him from the infirmary. It's like shouting. I don't like it."

"So what exactly do you hear? Is it simply what we're thinking, or…"

"Only what you're thinking. I don't know anyone's life stories or anything like that."

_Thank God she doesn't know about what-_

"Stop! Stop right there. I don't know what you're thinking, Major, unless you suddenly think 'thank God she doesn't know', because then I will, and I don't want to!" Sheppard winces. "I'm sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen."

"We understand. I also understand you not wanting people to know." Weir pursed her lips. "Do you think that's best?" _She's got an advantage… she could use this ruin people._

"I know what you mean," I whisper. "But if people knew I'd be a leper! No one would want me near them, and they'd never trust me. I swear that I won't be spreading secrets or anything like that. I'm good at keeping things to myself. The things I've heard already…" I shudder. "I don't want this."

McKay's 'voice' comes through my head. _No way. So it creates a telepathic bond with the person, and only once that link is severed then someone else can get this… come on, you're the translator… gift? It's a gift?_

"It's not a gift!"

Sheppard and Weir give me an odd look.

"Dr. McKay has found something."

Weir taps her earpiece. "Rodney, report." She nods, and looks at me, incredulous.

I drop my head down, can't meet their eyes.

She turns to Sheppard. "It's basically a 'judge' selector. Or a leader selector. The Ancients used it to choose their leader. They'd hold an 'election' of sorts, and it would pick the person it deemed best for the job. The device can read minds, it judges a person's… character, for lack of better word. If the person is deemed worthy, if would 'bless' them with the 'gift' of seeing.

"So this device thinks Miss Anderson is worthy of this?" Sheppard sounded sceptical, and I didn't blame him.

"Well they think it's a gift, so they dropped a few IQ points in my head already."

Sheppard hid a grin, but I knew he thought it was funny.

"From the sound of things you two need to talk in private, so I'll take my leave."

Weir nodded. "Thank you again for seeing us."

I hesitate. "I think I should warn you, even if you're in private, if you're talking about me, chances are that I'll know. Just… pretend I can't?" I leave, walking slowly. I think I know where I want to go, but I'm not sure it's a good idea.

He was still thinking about me, so I figured I may as well visit. Taking a peace offering sounded like a good idea, so I stopped by the cafeteria first.

The noise was nearly overwhelming, and I was working double hard to focus on getting in and out as quickly as possible.

_What the hell is she doing here?_ I heard him before I saw him, and winced at the tone of voice.

I hold out the cup of coffee and sandwich, and he glares at me. "I brought you these," I say, and it sounds pretty weak, even to me.

"Gee, thanks, Anderson. What do you want?"

I step back automatically at the tone of his voice.

_Oh, don't be such a jerk. She looks so fragile._

"I'm not fragile, McKay. I just don't like your attitude towards me."

"Well that's hardly my fault." He bit into the sandwich, and continued talking with his mouth full. "If you had just kept your curiosity checked-"

_… the chosen will not have a choice. They will receive the gift and use it wisely…_

"Zelenka has found something," I say quietly.

"Zelenka, which one is that?" He sees Radek coming towards us. "Oh, that one. Right."

"Dr. McKay! I found something! There's more text we missed. I ran it through the translator." The Czech scientist noticed me. "Oh, hi Erin."

_How does he know her?_

I ignore his thoughts, and smile at Zelenka. "Good to see you again. What are you working on?"

"Oh, just some piece of technology Dr. McKay found in the city. Thinks it could be important. Don't touch it though, from the sounds of things it could be dangerous." He turned back to Rodney. "We should quarantine it. From what I can tell, if this 'chosen' person gets near it, they'll be forced to receive the gift, and we don't want that."

_Bit late now, Radek!_ "Yes, you're right-"

I interrupt. "Oh, just tell him!"

_I thought she didn't want anyone-_

"He's not just anyone, okay? Zelenka, I touched it. That's why you guys are looking at it now."

"Wait, what? You got the gift? You can…?"

"Yes, but don't worry, I don't understand Czech. Though I was going to ask you to teach me before this happened, I guess that's out of the question now."

Zelenka looked a little scared, but just shrugged. "Okay. We've finished with it for now anyway, don't think there's any other secrets it's hiding."

"What, that's it?" Rodney demanded, and my head pounded.

"Ow… can you try to tone it down a little?" I ask quietly.

He actually looked a little sorry. "Yeah, sorry Anderson. I think out loud, guess I think loud too then."

"Yeah, you do."

"But seriously, doesn't it bother you?"

Zelenka looked at me. "Rodney, she's standing right here!"

"Yeah, but it doesn't matter where we're standing, she'll hear us anyway. And I was taught to never talk about someone behind their back. Why doesn't this bother you?"

"Did you read the text? It was designed for only the 'pure of thought'." He shrugged. "If Erin was a nasty person then it wouldn't have given her the power. Getting upset would only hurt her, as you would well know."

Rodney bristled at the insult. "It's not like I meant it. Well don't tell anyone, okay? Carson, Sheppard and Elizabeth are they only ones that know. Oh, and her CO."

_Erin, you got a sec?_

"Speak of the devil," I mutter. "Excuse me a sec." I walk away a few paces and tap my earpiece. "Reilly."

"Can you come down to the storage area? I've done a roster, and the guys are down here."

"Yeah, no probs. Be there in five, boss." I nod to the scientists. "I gotta go, try not to think about me too much, okay?" I grin at them, and Rodney rolls his eyes.

…

Reilly is in his office when I arrive, and he beckons me in.

_Do you want to tell the others? _He tries not to, but his mind goes to his drunken speech about trust.

"Yeah, I suppose." I shrug. "I like you guys."

We walk out to the shared office area, and Reilly calls Matthews and Hopwell over. "Hey team. We need to talk." _You want to tell them?_

"This will come as a surprise. I don't know if Reilly told you, but last night I was here cataloguing some Ancient gear, and well… woke up in the infirmary."

_Oh, no. Tell me she's not dying or anything…_

"I'm not dying or anything, but, well, I picked up a superpower. I don't know how you guys will take it… but, uhm, I can read minds." My head is down, but I look up to see their reactions.

_No fucking way. That's just creepy._

_ Sweet! I've always wanted to…_

"You guys believe me?" I was shocked.

Hopwell smiled. "Well if we didn't, we do now," he laughed.

My eyes flick to Matthews, who's turned into Stone Man again. I sigh internally. Was all our team building work trashed now?

_Pink elephants. Pink elephants. Pink elephants. Pink elephants. Pink elephants. Pink elephants. Pink elephants. Pink elephants. Pink elephants. _

Okay, _that_ was annoying. "Yeah, thanks, Matthews. That works."

Reilly looked confused, but didn't press the issue. "Okay, Anderson, you're off until 21 hundred, why don't you get some rest?"

"Sure." I leave, feeling pretty dejected.

…

…

…

Too corny? I've no idea where this is gonna take me, I've got a few ideas, but I just sit here and type whatever's in my head. Not much for planning these things.

Read and Review, you know it.


	7. Hide and Seek

So if you're still reading this, thanks. As I said in the first intro, the chapters should only be a thousand or so words long, hopefully it won't get too boring that way. Anyway, cheers, thanks again for reading, feel free to review, it makes me happy.

…

…

…

~ HIDE AND SEEK ~

…

Things were 'normal', I guess, or my new normal at least. Work was fun, Matthews was getting used to working with a telepath. And I was kinda getting used to being a telepath. Kinda. Blocking people out was getting easier, I'd gone back to meditating in the morning, and at night, and now I actually had to think about it to read people's thoughts. I hadn't feinted again since that first time in the infirmary, which was good, and I'd only heard McKay, Sheppard or Weir when they were thinking about me, which was becoming less and less often, thank God.

I still heard Reilly often, but didn't dwell on it, glad it was him and no one else. Hopwell was like a little kid sometimes, he'd grin at me during team talks, thinking jokes and sarcastic comments about our team mates, all in good nature.

I was a little homesick, but I wasn't the only one, so I just tried not to think about it too often. I don't have any family left on Earth, it was just my old workmates I was missing. And the ability to get chocolate at any time of day or night. And new music. _Stop wallowing!_ I grin at myself, and head to the warehouse for my shift. I had the night shit, which I was happy with. Reilly promised we'd rotate whenever the nightshift person got sick of it, but it wasn't that bad. I worked from 9pm till 6am, when Hopwell relived me. He worked from 6am until 3pm, and Matthews did 12pm until 9pm. Reilly worked pretty random hours, and the weekends seemed a little sporadic so far.

We were busy full time now, with the Ancient supplies as well as 'normal' duties, but as soon as we were finished with the cataloguing I could see very boring days here. Hopwell was interested in going off-world, and I heard him think about getting a transfer to another unit when we got quiet, but he hadn't brought it up with Reilly yet. Likewise Matthews was thinking along the same lines, and he also hadn't told Reilly.

Weir's voice comes over the PA system, apparently Jinto, the young Athosian male, was missing. Great. Children are annoying.

The lights flickered, and I looked around nervously. I could hear Sheppard and McKay in my head, apparently, and we were having power issues. Fantastic. Just what we need now.

Whoa, we got Wraith here? Fuck. Weir wasn't convinced, and didn't want a panic, so I just made my way in the dark to the warehouse.

"Erin, you know what's going on?"

It didn't surprise me that Reilly was there, and I nod. "We may have Wraith, boss," I say quietly. "Weir isn't telling people yet, but it's pretty hard not to hear that. They're not sure about the technical difficulties, but some of the Athosians are seeing 'shadows'."

Reilly nodded. "Okay. We can't get any work done, so you may as well head back to your quarters for now."

"Weirs about to order everyone to their quarters anyway," I comment.

"Okay, I'll see you when all this is over." _Take care._

"No probs, boss."

We head our separate ways, and I turn my music down in my quarters.

I sit on the floor, legs crossed, and concentrate on nothing.

Anger.

My eyes open, and I gasp. What the hell was that? I reach out tentatively, and hear thoughts of people around me, but around them was an undertone of anger and hunger. Wraith. Shit.

I toy with the idea of contacting Weir, but she's all but forgotten about me, and I'd rather keep it that way. The last thing I want is to become a military asset. I close my eyes again, and focus on blocking out stray thoughts. I feel the anger and hunger again, but it feels _strange_. Not like anything else. From what I'd heard, the Wraith weren't that much different from us, aside the life-sucking, yet this feeling felt totally wrong.

_Freedom! LET ME FREE!_

My head pounded. I put my hands to my face, and felt blood trickling from my nose. I groaned, and headed to the bathroom, stumbling.

I felt Major Sheppard find Jinto, and smiled. As much as I dislike children, the Athosian variety were much more endearing… I would imagine living in fear from the moment you are self-aware made them just a tad different from the 'I want it now!' mentality I'm used to on Earth. On the positive note I was able to wash my face and stop the nosebleed, erecting mental barriers between myself and whatever the hell was out there.

I followed Sheppard's thoughts, and winced when Ford was reported as man down. I was yet to meet, or see, Ford, but they way Sheppard thought of him made me think of Hopwell. Young, eager to prove. Not that different from me.

Great, the lights are going to go out again. For once I was glad I had this ability. How was everyone else coping, not knowing what was going on? We're all gonna die, and McKay and Sheppard are making size jokes? Wonderful. Well, that idea failed, and we're still in the dark.

Wow, nice idea Teyla. This one could work. Okay, wait it out, it's almost over now.

_How you holding up Erin?_

I tap my earpiece. "Reilly. Fine, fine. Think these guys have it nutted, it'll be over soon I think."

_Okay. When it's over meet me a the warehouse. I've got the other two coming too._

"Sure, sure." I tap the earpiece again, severing the connection.

What the hell are you doing McKay? _No!_ I don't know what to do. The idiot is going to kill himself, but there's no other option. "Dammit!" I punch my pillow, and pause.

_Wow, this looks… amazing!_

I can see through his eyes, and I see what he means. Blobs of… something… then black. The connection is lost.

…

So Rodney saves the day, surprise, surprise. I suppose the real surprise is the way he did it. Respect for the geek just went up a few points.

_How you doing?_

"Not bad, Reilly. I suppose there was one point there I was glad of this 'gift'. Except when idiot McKay went all hero, that was freaky. I could see what he was going to do, and why. Didn't stop the… panic, I suppose. He had no idea if it would work, yet he did it anyway. I'll never understand people."

We were in my office, and I frowned. "You know what would go well there? A couch. Any carpenters here?"

Reilly smiled. "Probably. Good luck. I'm out of here, you gonna be alright?"

"Of course, go get some rest. I'll just be looking through Ancient technology. Nothing to worry about."

He gives me a look.

"I won't touch anything!"

"Uh-huh. Sure." He leaves, and I turn my music up, grinning.

One last thought comes into my head before I tune everyone out.

_Thank God for food. Ohhhh, is that blue Jell-o? Mine!_

…

…

…

Bit more cheerful? This should be the typical length of each chapter, hopefully, unless an episode really lends itself for more fun.

Read and review, you know it.


	8. 38 Minutes

As usual, thanks for reading, this one will probably be boring though, maybe 500 words? By the way, I write these notes as I go, and don't delete anything, so you get to see what I'm thinking before I start, basically, and if I think of anything halfway through I add it here. Cheers. Also, forget timelines. I'm pretty sure I've got Erin singing a song that didn't come out till after the SGA timeline, so sue me.

…

…

…

~ THIRTY EIGHT MINUTES ~

…

I'm a bit of an exercise junkie. Back home, after my mum died, I'd sold her apartment in the city, and moved to a house in the western suburbs of Melbourne, closer to work. I'd gone for a three bedroom place, more than enough room for me, but I'd converted one into an exercise room, with a treadmill, bike, and weights. I'd spent my Christmas bonus on a small TV for the room, and it was my little haven, well, that and the study.

I'd decided against bringing my gym gear over here, didn't want to push the 'unlimited personal items' rule. So when I was bored on Atlantis – pretty much the whole time I wasn't at work, I tended to run a fair bit, kind of learning my way around, as well as a good cardio workout.

I'd run for about twenty minutes when I stumble.

_Medical emergency? Why's it always Sheppard's team? Oh, God… Sheppard's the injured one? No…_

I'm not convinced that Weir's concern is exactly appropriate, and I realize it's not the first time I've felt similar from her. None of your business, Erin, stay out of it.

_Dammit Rodney, calm down!_ Waves of impatience, and I hide a grin. I'd started jogging again. There was nothing I could do to. Shit, only 38 minutes? They're fucked.

Zelenka was muttering to himself in Czech, and I wished I knew what he was thinking. The thoughts in the conference room were less than positive, so I tried to tune them out the best I could, turning up my IPod.

Close the bulkhead? Well yeah, good idea, but why's it called a bulkhead if it won't block it off from space entirely? When I think 'bulkhead', I think bullets can't get through, and it's airtight… I also think 'weird name for a door', but that's beside the point.

I tune back into Zelenka when I realize Weir is with him. He's so nervous around her. If it wasn't life and death it would be kind of amusing. Ouch, I'd never tell her to stop talking, but I can see his point. So can she, apparently.

Oh, God, Beckett, did you just say that? Fuckin' closet Trekkie. Ewww! A bug related to the Wraith? Fuckin freaky shit.

I pass the East Pier, and stop for a breather, checking out the view. It's the afternoon, and the sight is amazing, as usual. I lean on the rail, and sigh. Reilly's probably at work – I tune in for a second, yup – and I don't really wanna distract him with this. I'm sure Weir wouldn't want word spreading about this too far yet, once the half an hour is past then everyone will know, one way or the other.

Okay, Kavanagh is a dick. Total fuck-face. Weir should slap the bastard. Put him back in his box. Damn, I feel for Weir. First dick-wad, now Halling. Don't get me wrong, I like the guy, from what I've heard of him, but religious debates are not my forte, and now probably isn't the best time for it. Her reply isn't quite as diplomatic as I would have thought it would be, but I'm beginning to suspect her feelings for a certain stranded team member are starting to come into play.

Wow, she's angry, but I'm scared for her. Dr. Wanker is at her, again. Because he's embarrassed? Damn, what a cock. I really don't like the look on his face, and I get some well-hidden fear from her as well, though she covers it well. She is one tough chick.

…

Fifteen minutes to go, and now they're in even deeper shit. I'm running again, sticking to what I've called the Esplanade, the 'track' that runs on the outside of Atlantis, offering insane views and fresh air. So what, the Wraith are allergic to salt water? Good to know, but that doesn't exactly help Sheppard, and Rodney just fucked up, apparently. Not his fault of course, but knowing him he'd blame himself.

Their plan is _kill_ Sheppard? Probably not one of the best plans I've ever heard, but apparently they're all suicidal! First McKay pretty much tries to kill himself, now Sheppard?

And they've zapped him, and huge surprise, he's dead. Great. Teyla has him through the event horizon, and now poor Ford is stuck with McKay. Fate worse than death. Oh, bad joke Erin, bad, bad joke!

Oh, God, two minutes and they're all dead. Fuck.

So Dr. Pain in the Fucking Neck isn't totally useless, good to know. I kinda hate that he saved the day, is that petty or what? Wait, I'd say that Ford saved the day there, Dr. Slick McCreepy doesn't get any cred for that one.

I finish my run, pleased that everything turned out okay, but worried that 'the team' will be facing this kind of thing on a daily basis.

…

I'm in the warehouse, and it's quiet. Reilly left a while ago, and I've got the Dresden Dolls playing quietly in the background.

Dr. Weir is visiting Sheppard, and I grin when I realize that the 'feelings' go both ways. It gets depressing when it becomes obvious that they'll never be able to act on these feelings, at least not in this universe. And Weir is quick to remind herself that she has a fiancé waiting for her on Earth. And Sheppard is too quick to remind himself that he doesn't do relationships very well.

Damn.

…

…

…

Okay, so I'm a Sam/Jack and Shep/Weir fan, so sue me. :P Oh, I made a decision a while ago that Erin's powers won't change any of the actual SGA script, or episode outcomes, so while yeah, normally no doubt they'd make use of her, I don't want that to happen. And it's my story. So it won't happen. At this stage…


	9. Suspicion

Thanks for still reading. That's all I got for now. Oh, so I've fucked the timelines, and maybe times as well. If I say it's midnight, and can't go back and make sure sun wasn't shining at one point in the ep, too bad. If memory serves, Lorne comes in on the Daedalus, but I love him so much that in my world he went with the original crew.

…

…

…

~ SUSPICION ~

…

"Wondering why, why, why would anyone want to be where I come from? I'm torn on the platform… torn on the platform…" I really love my job, right about now. It's midnight, or close enough, and it's just me and a big warehouse. I told you I was weird. If I could design my own warehouse, it would be this one. Upon entry there are offices directly to the left, and the rest of the space is 'racking'. There is space to walk between the racks, but no space for any MHE, as with the lovely transport system MHE isn't required in my warehouse. Score for OH&S. The best part; behind the offices is nothing but air. Well, air and a balcony. And I love the balcony so much. Smokeo is better with an awesome view. Plus I'd recruited Zelenka's help, and now have the ability to play my music through the warehouse. Better than wearing headphones all the time, that's for sure.

I was just heading back inside when my head _screamed_. I fell to my knees – not my smartest idea, I'd chipped a bit off my left patella a long time ago, and the left knee had never fully recovered (something else I'd failed to mention to the Air Force) – and fell sideways onto the ground. I groaned, it _had_ to be McKay, only this time it wasn't his fault.

I always laugh when I watch Wormhole X-treme and there's always one that assumes once they're though they're safe, even though they know the weapons come through on the other side. Now I shouldn't laugh, but it is kinda amusing. Idiot.

…

I could go and visit him, now that he's awake and everything, but I've only just finished my shift and could do with a jog, and I'm not sure how much he'd appreciate a visit right now. Although I'm probably the only one that could hold a conversation with him right now, in he's drooling state.

_Hey, Erin, can you come see me for a tick?_

"Reilly. I really wish this was a two-way thing sometimes. No problems, I'm on my way." I head to his quarters, and the door opens automatically for me.

"Hey you. I need to ask you something about Hopwell and Matthews."

"Well they're not secretly dating, boss," I reply wryly, but I knew what he was going to ask me, before he even said it. "Look, I didn't think it was my place to say anything, okay? Yeah, I knew they were thinking about reassignment, but only once we're all settled in is all."

_Well this thing with the Athosians is kind of leaving us short. We had a meeting last night-_

"Yeah, I know." I wave off his look of surprise. "I might not have been there, but I may as well have been, Reilly. All departments are being cut back to provide more military support because we don't trust the guys that we got kicked off their planet. Would it matter if I said none of them are guilty? I didn't think so. Look, those two aren't gonna be happy just sitting in that room all day, and I almost don't blame them. Once we've got all our stuff put away, the scientists will descend on the warehouse full of Ancient goodies, and I can see why they'd rather a more active role." I jerked back, caught by something he was trying not to think. "You want me to do advanced combat training? What the hell Riles? What, you don't think I can handle myself? Look, just because I choose not to exercise my right to violence doesn't mean I can't handle myself."

_Would you fight, though?_

I bristled. "That's not the point!

_It's exactly the point! We're out here in hostile territory, you may find it hard to hold on to your beliefs if an alien is trying to suck the life out of you!_

I step back.

_Sorry, Erin, but you need to think about this._

"I didn't join this expedition to meet other life and kill it, Tim, unlike some people around here. I'm in logistics. I think I'll leave the killing to the military!" I leave, but can't escape his thoughts for the rest of the morning, even after he'd stopped fuming about our argument. "That's so not fair. I can't win an argument if I'm going to hear his side for hours after!" I was talking to myself, a bad habit of mine. I'd spent more time than usual in the gym after our fight, working out the shakes I always get when I argue with someone.

I could see his point, but why couldn't he understand mine? I went to bed, and fell into a restless sleep.

…

_Erin! Get down!_

I spun around. Fuck! A Wraith was closing in on my position. Reilly was pinned down against a wall the three Wraith on him. I saw him try to attack, but he fell after five seconds, and I screamed as they fed on him. Turns out screaming gives away your position.

The one Wraith turned to me, and smiled. I fell into a crouch, and watched him approach, filled with dread. I backed up, and naturally tripped over. He knelt over me, and pushed his hand into my chest. My body convulsed, and I felt myself dying, and not even fighting back.

…

I haven't woken up screaming in a while, so when I did this time I freaked out. My hair looked like shit, and my face was pale. I splashed some water onto it, then sighed, and just went for a shower. So what, I subconsciously want to learn how to fight? I want to fight?

I checked the time, it was only four pm, so I had plenty of time before my shift started. Tuning into Reilly, I found him in the warehouse. Time to face the music.

Dressed in civilian clothes – I refused to wear the uniform when I was off-duty – I went to meet him.

He was still dwelling on our conversation when I caught up with him in his office. "Hey boss."

_You look like shit._

I just give him a look. "Thanks. Look, sorry about before. I didn't mean to snap at you. And, well, I've had some time to think, and I suppose that you are right. Just because I'm not military does not give me an excuse to not be able to defend myself or others if the situation arises."

_You're in uncomfortable talk formal mode, you realize._

I glare at him. "I'm trying to simultaneously apologise and also admit that you were right. I'd take it while it's on the table, boss."

He laughed. _Alright. So you're in for the training?_

"Who's doing the training?"

_Major Lorne._

I roll my eyes. "Of course. Fine. Let him know, or whatever. Class of twenty?"

_One on one._ He was watching me carefully to gauge my reaction. Knowing this, I nod calmly.

"No probs, boss. I might go have a nap before my shift. You better not be here when I get back." I turn to leave, then stop. "How the hell do you expect me to do one on one with a guy I don't know in a closed room?"

_Calm down. I have faith in you, Er._

I sigh. "Fine, sure thing. I let you know how it goes." I leave, and wander that halls for a while, before heading to the East Pier. I stare over the balcony, blowing small puffs of smoke, thinking about this stupid training. No doubt Tim had cooked it up in his own head, as his way of trying to help me. A guy had already tried to help me once, and that hadn't turned out well. I grimace, and force myself to think about something else.

"Erin, Reilly here. I spoke to Lorne-"

"That was damned quick, Reilly."

He continued as if I hadn't spoken. "I figured you'd want to know, he's not free for a few days, and he'll contact you when he gets a chance."

"Fine." I didn't snap it, but it was short.

"Look, Erin, it's for your benefit."

"I know Tim. Thanks. I'll see you around. Anderson out."

I walk back to my quarters, and didn't know what to do with myself. I was used to working, surfing the net, sleeping then working. I felt like I had so much time here, too much time and nothing to do. I'd heard they were starting interest groups, and Zelenka had mentioned a Warcraft server up and running. I'd checked it out, seemed alright, the geeks had tweaked it a bit so the lack of players didn't really affect the game too much, no doubt Atlantis would be one big guild. Fun. But for now I just re-organised my belongings, not quite happy with where everything was yet. I looked at the clock – 1800 – and sighed. Bored!

Ohhhh, we have a mainland? Awesome! And the Athosians are going? Sad, but it's their choice I guess.

…

…

…

Song in this one is Jack Penate "Torn on the Platform". For those that don't know, in Aussieland OH&S is Occupational Health and Safety.


	10. Childhood's End

Not sure where I'm going with this. Meh.

…

…

…

~ CHILDHOOD'S END ~

…

I'd spoken to Reilly about the possibility of going to the mainland to help with planting crops as soon as I'd 'heard' about the Athosioans, and he'd sounded positive, but needed to check with Weir first. I was hoping I'd be allowed to go, this place was starting to drive me mad. It was fantastic, but I'd never really been one for socializing, and just going to work and sleeping was a tad boring. Getting some fresh air and manual labour would be a godsend.

He hadn't mentioned the combat training, but I knew it was still on his mind, and it wouldn't be long before he mentioned it again.

…

After a day of waiting Reilly got back to me, and I was scheduled to head to the mainland with Beckett while he did his routine visit. The visit would last six hours, which would give me just enough time to get the basics down, and if all went well I'd be allowed back whenever possible to help out. Teyla had planned on joining us, but had gotten called to go off-world, so it was just me and the doctor. I wore jeans, and old STFU shirt (I didn't think the Athosians would understand the reference), my steepcaps and a black uniform cap. I'd have to find out if there were sunglasses on base, I hadn't thought to bring a pair, and the sun was shining bright outside.

We did the typical small talk in the Puddle Jumper, but Beckett was obviously still nervous about controlling the Ancient device, so the conversation didn't evolve beyond that. As we got further from Atlantis I noticed the constant background buzzing in my head was disappearing slowly, and I realized it was everyone's thoughts. I focused, and could still hear Reilly clearly enough, and if I tried anyone else it would work, but it was much easier to block them out from a distance.

"How far out are we, doc?"

"Almost there love, we're about twenty clicks from Atlantis."

I chewed my lip. "Thanks." I never thought I'd say it, but I was missing the hum. Then I realized there was another hum approaching, and guessed that due to not interacting with the Athosians I didn't hear them as clearly, until I got close.

When we go to the village Beckett introduced me to Halling, the leader of the new settlement, then left to set up shop in a nearby hut.

"You intend to work here?" He asked, eyes appraising me.

"Yes. Just while I'm not on duty on Atlantis, in my spare time."

"Would you want compensation for your time? We do not have-"

I shook my head. "Nope. You would be doing me a favour, getting some fresh air and physical work." I knew he was… suspicious wasn't the right word, but cautious as to my presence.

"Did Dr. Weir-"

"No, Halling. There's no hidden reason. I would appreciate the opportunity to work with you and your people. I'm not here to do anything aside that. My agenda is simple, and quite selfish. Atlantis is great, but I'm getting bored already. I need to be active, and I would be honoured if you would allow me to work with you. I hope in time you see this. The only issue is that I have to wear this," I indicate to my earpiece, "and if I get called back I will have to leave right away. That's it."

"I understand." He stood, and I followed suit. "Your clothing is appropriate. I will show you to the field."

We walked a short distance, and he showed me what they were doing. Digging ditches wasn't my favourite pastime, but it was simple enough, and before long he left me to it. It felt good to use muscles that I don't normally use sitting at a computer, and the sun felt very nice. After a while an Athosian approached me.

"Anderson?"

I turned, and flicked my cap up. "Erin, please."

He nodded. "I am Trevin. Halling asked me to find you, and advise that we are taking our noon break."

I looked at my watch. "Wow, didn't realize the time. Sure." I followed him back to the settlement, and met up with Beckett. "Thank you, Trevin."

He nodded, and left.

"Makin' friends already, Miss Anderson?"

I smiled at Beckett. "Just being polite, doctor." I looked around the hut we were in. It was large, and this was clearly where Beckett worked from. "Busy spot this time of day."

"Aye." We had both brought MREs, but I just pulled out a power bar. "You're not eating?"

"Nah, not that hungry doc. How goes the check ups?"

"Fine. So far there doesn't seem to be any dangerous animals or insects. There's something similar to a mosquito, but smaller."

"Yeah, I've met them," I reply, absently rubbing my elbow, where one had gotten me earlier. "They're not bad though, not itchy like the mozzies I know."

He chuckled. "Aye. How you finding it here?"

"Yeah, fine. Good to be out in the sun, you know?" I sigh. "I could fall asleep out here. So, hey, will I be allowed to take a PJ out on my own, or can I only come here when someone else is?"

"I'm not sure, you'd have to check with Dr. Weir, Miss Anderson."

"Would you please just call me Erin? We're both not military, doc."

He laughed again. "Of course, Erin, please, call me Carson."

We chatted for about twenty minutes, then I headed back out to the field. He was a nice enough guy, Carson. The accent was just a bonus. I just really hoped that I would be trusted with a Jumper, I doubt there'd be many trips to the mainland.

_Okay, almost done here. Where's Miss Anderson_

I smirk, and touch my earpiece. "Beckett, I told you to call me Erin."

"Aye, and I told you to call me Carson. That's kind of creepy, Erin."

"Yeah, well, if you think about me, I'm gonna know, so watch your thoughts, _Carson_. You cool to scoot?"

"Yes, Erin. It's time to leave."

"Five by five. On my way, Carson." I packed up the tools Halling gave me, and headed back to the village.

I met up with Halling briefly, who thanked me for the day's work. I just grinned, and thanked _him_.

…

As we got closer to Atlantis I felt the now-familiar feeling of everyone's voice in my head, and smiled. Reilly was thinking about how to tell me that my first session with Lorne tomorrow, McKay was complaining about kids, but secretly wondering if he'd ever have any, and Sheppard was thinking about Weir. Same old city. I met up with Reilly in the mess.

"Hey! How'd you go on the mainland?"

I grinned. "Great. It was pretty awesome over there." I twisted in my chair to crack my back. "Good to do some physical work." Reilly pursed his lips, and I knew what he was thinking. "Don't worry, Riles, I'm not gonna leave to be a farmer. It's just good to get away a bit, you know?"

He didn't know, really. He was happy here, and I got that. I'm happy here, too. I just need a break sometimes.

"I heard I'm to report to sparring room one at 16 hundred tomorrow."

He looked surprised, and I sighed and tapped the side of my head. "You could have just told me, you know. I'm not gonna get pissy at you, I agreed to it."

"I know. I just feel like I pushed you…"

"Well, duh." I shrug. "It's probably for the best. What's the worst that can happen?" Famous last words.

…

…

…

From memory, MREs are Meals Ready to Eat… not sure if it was ever said on SG on not. Mozzies are Aussie for mosquitoes. Just sayin'. STFU = Shut The Fuck Up… the shirt only says STFU, so yeah, doubtful the Athosians would know. I guessed the mainland is 25kms from Atlantis, based on it taking 25 minutes. Reckon PJs would go about 70kph, so yeah. Potential math fail. /shrug


	11. Poisoning The Well

I'm still trying to work out the balance of including episode-related stuff, if I put too much in you may as well just go watch the ep, but I like to interrupt Erin's day with random thoughts, so hopefully it's turning out okay. And I really hope I got Lorne in character. I read a good long fic about him before he joined the SGC, and will probably use that knowledge to write him, even though it's not cannon. If I can find the author I'll let you know what the story is for any Lorne fans reading this.

…

…

…

~ POISONING THE WELL ~

…

So nervous. And I hate being nervous. I have my first session with Lorne today, and I'm not looking forward to it. Aside from the off world trips before coming here, I hadn't spoken to him at all, only a nod and a smile in the corridor when we passed each other. I knew he'd been off world here frequently, usually backing up exploratory teams. Sheppard thought well of him, as did his team members, but it didn't ease the butterflies.

I was early, he'd booked one of the sparring rooms for us, and I did some warm up stretches, trying to calm down and loosen up. It didn't work.

At five past four I was considering leaving, and he arrived, apologising profusely.

"It's fine, major. No problems."

"Okay, so you covered basic with Teal'c back on Earth, how did you find it?"

I shrugged. "Not bad."

"He thought you were quite good, Miss Anderson, with the potential to do more training. Your file says that you decided not to continue?"

I sighed internally. Was this going to come up so bloody often? "I'm a pacifist, major. Don't really like the whole fighting thing. At the time I figured I'd leave it to the military, but I've been, uh, persuaded otherwise."

He nodded. "Okay then. You ready to begin?"

"Sure."

Rather than the training on Earth, where the participants mimic an instructor's movements, we spar instead, going slowly, Lorne pausing to correct my movements, and I don't find it as bad as I thought it would be. He was patient enough, and hadn't dropped me on my butt. I figured when I got better he'd actually start trying to fight back a little, but for now he was just testing me, seeing exactly how much I'd remembered from my lessons that seemed a lifetime ago.

Like my other sessions on Earth, I focussed on being defensive, and not actually throwing any punches, just moving out of his way, and deflecting his blows. After ten minutes he stopped.

"Miss Anderson, if this was an actual fight, would you do what you are doing now, or would you make a move to disable your opponent?"

I shrugged. "Honestly major, I've no idea. Remember, this was not my idea."

"So I'm wasting my time?" He didn't look pissed, and I knew he wasn't, he was just trying to understand my position.

"I wouldn't say that, sir. I just hope that I will never have to use what you are teaching me." It worked for Teal'c, but I knew he wanted more information. I saw what he was going to do a moment before he did it. He'd been toying with the idea for a few minutes, and I flinched away as he came at me.

"Stop it, Lorne."

He didn't even blink, and I knew he was yet another male trying to help, and only hindering. I blocked a punch, and ducked out of the way as he threw another.

"Fuckin quit it already!"

He was surprised that I swore, but that didn't stop him. He swept his leg, and dropped me quickly, and knelt over me, one knee on my chest, pretending to hold a knife to my throat.

I just freaked out. I was shaking, and felt the confusion radiating off him.

"Anderson, what is it?" He backed off, but I stayed on the ground, frozen with irrational fear. I scrambled backwards, until the wall was at my back, and my behaviour was freaking him too. Okay, deep breaths, calm down. He approached me, frowning. I could hear what he was thinking of course, but that didn't help.

Okay, putting your hands on my shoulders, not helping either, dick. I pulled away so hard my head hit the wall with a resounding _crack_, and it was his turn to flinch back. At least his next solution was a good one.

"Lorne to Reilly."

I heard Reilly reply, and then he was talking to me.

_I'm on my way, just stay where you are. I warned Lorne off, he won't be a bother anymore. Just breath, and focus on me._ I was more than happy to oblige. I could tell he was quite annoyed with Lorne, but rather than try to hide it, he'd pushed it aside, in the 'deal with later' pile, which was fine by me.

"Major. I'll take it from here." I don't know if a major can dismiss another major, but that sure sounded like an order to me. Lorne didn't argue though, just shot me one last apologetic look, and left.

Reilly sat next to me. "Wow, he did a number on you, Erin."

My hands were clenched, and my knees pulled up to my chin. My arms were still shaking. I rested my head on my knees, facing away from Reilly. My eyes were closed, and I'd started to cry softly. Reilly knew better than to use touch to comfort me, but his presence was a comfort in itself.

I don't know how long we stayed there for, but I knew people were on their way to use the room. "We need to leave," I say quietly.

He escorted me back to my quarters, and I thanked him quietly. He thought about apologising, but decided to say it later, which I appreciated. He left me at the door, and I set my alarm for 2300 hours, and fell asleep.

I didn't dream at all, yet I woke up feeling exactly the way I felt when I went to sleep. I had a shower, and went to work, quietly, not meeting people's eyes as I passed them. There's a phase I go through after an incident like that, where, well, not to sound melodramatic, I just feel empty inside. It's like my emotions go hiding, and I feel just like a ghost, going through the motions to appear normal. I don't think, I don't feel, I just _be_.

I heard Lorne, and was surprised he was awake this late at night.

_What went wrong? I've mentored before, and trained people before, why didn't I see that would happen? She didn't want to be there, and like an idiot I pushed her, backed her into a wall. Dammit! _He was pacing in his quarters, and I felt bad that I was keeping him from sleep, but there wasn't a lot I could do about it without giving away my 'gift'. I also heard some less than nice thoughts he was having, along the lines of what am I doing here if I can't handle it, but I can't begrudge him that. I'm not sure about why I'm here either, sometimes. So I just tried to block him out, and focus on work.

When I got to the warehouse Matthews could tell something was wrong, but he didn't ask, just gave me a report on the activities on his shift before leaving. I was grateful for being alone. I put Cold Chisel on quietly in my office, and sorted through requests for supplies. The Marine officer in charge of requisition had put in an order for more P-90 ammunition already, and I sorted that out, as well as some long-life food requests from the kitchen staff.

I made a coffee, and settled in for a long night, still feeling like I was sleepwalking. I was halfway through yet another file when the doors opened. I listened, and heard that it was Zelenka.

"Hello?"

Hehe, that accent. "In here, doc!"

I got up to meet him at my door. "What are you after, doctor?"

"Ah, Erin, hello. You tell me what I'm after!"

He was really okay with the mind reading thing, and it blew me away. "You're after the _thing_ in bay K8-2. Hang on one sec."

Even though he knew exactly how to transport the device down, it had been made procedure that only logistics staff were to do it, and everyone was happy to abide, except Dr. McKay of course, but that went without saying.

"You need help moving that, or you just gonna play with it here?" I kinda like saying things that out of context could be questionable, however saying it casually, as if I don't even realize the innuendo. It makes me laugh on the inside, and I needed the laugh.

"I'm just doing a quick test, no hassle, I will not be long." And when people miss the innuendo I just sigh and move on.

"I'll be over here, you need anything just yell."

"Of course, of course." In other words, I've already forgotten you, begone, so I may be a geek in solitude.

I retreated to the balcony for a smoke, then went back into my office to continue reading. I cranked The Go Set, and smiled at Zelenka's thoughts when the bagpipes started. "Oi, they're Aussie, watch it!"

"Sorry, sorry," he muttered, thinking in Czech so I couldn't understand. He left soon after, and I transported the device back to storage for the time being. Before I knew it Hopwell was reliving me, and I went 'home' to bed.

…

…

…

So talking of the balance, I couldn't really find a place to chuck in thoughts from the episode, seeing as how they were off world for most of it. I'm worried that I'm focusing too much on Erin's freaking-out-ness, hopefully there won't be much more of it. I toyed with the idea of the telepathy getting rid of her phobia, but that's the thing about phobias, they're irrational. I should probably get around to posting these, so I don't feel like I'm talking to no one in these notes.


	12. Underground

Should be a short one, hopefully. I get the feeling that it's just going through the motions, but hey, I never promised an interesting read. :P Oh, about that promise that she wouldn't get too involved with the characters we know and love… yeah…

…

…

…

~ UNDERGROUND ~

…

"She was into the Stones when I was into the Roses, she was breakin' my bones when I was busting their noses…" I was humming, pleased with how life on Atlantis was working out. Once again I was over at the mainland, still digging ditches, but with my headphones on I was rocking out, and intercepting more than one odd look – and thought - from the Athosians. "And she said I don't like ya, you can't stand me, I can't love ya any more than this!"

We'd been at Atlantis for around four months now, and aside from a few off-world mishaps the expedition was going well. Well, aside the constant threat of invasion from life-sucking buggers, apart from that it was going well. I'd made some trust inroads with the Athosians, and by now they were all used to seeing me around. Weir had been more than fair. I'd heard Teyla and her discussing me, and apparently Halling had given me a glowing review. Because of that, Weir had assigned me a Puddle Jumper on a 'permanent' basis, and I was free to go to the mainland whenever I wanted, with Reilly's permission.

Matthews had shown some interest in the science side of things, which surprised us all to no end, and he was studying Lantean technology in his off time, with the hope of moving into that area. Hopwell had moved already, and had been assigned to an off-world team, with the promise of a transfer back if required. Our schedule had changed to Matthews working 5am to 1pm, and I worked from 4pm to 9pm, with Reilly working during the day, and the warehouse being locked at night. We had an on-call schedule for after hours, which was used often because of the scientists, but we didn't mind.

Reilly had given us the weekend off, electing to go on call himself, and I'd taken the PJ over to the mainland for an overnight stay. I'd brought my tent and sleeping gear, but when I got there Halling insisted I stay in the home of one of the Athosians. We were packing up for the day when Reilly contacted me.

"Hey Erin. Everything okay over there?"

I tapped my earpiece. "Yeah, we're packing up, evening meal soon. You should visit one time, it's great here."

We spoke for a few minutes while I finished up and started heading back up to the settlement. "I'll see you Sunday night, pizza still on the menu?"

He confirmed it, and we disconnected.

Trevin came to meet me as I approached. "Erin. Halling asked who would host you, and if you wouldn't mind you are welcome at my table."

"That would be fantastic, thank you Trevin." We walked to his 'house', and removed our shoes before entering. _Thanks for the manners lessons, mum!_

"Do you need help cooking?" I'm a terrible cook, but living alone for two years after my mum died had forced me to learn the basics.

He shook his head. "Please, make yourself comfortable. This will not take long. I would like to hear of your world, if you wish to speak of it."

"Of course." I sat at the wooden dining table, facing him. "What would you like to know?"

"Everything, what the people are like, the world itself. I cannot imagine a place without the Wraith's influence."

"Well it's not as good as you may think it is. We have many different countries, each with their own government. I don't know anything about politics, only I know that while I've been alive there's been a war somewhere in my world. It seems that because we don't have a common enemy we always fight ourselves." I sigh. "But it's beautiful. Australia, that's the country I'm from, is the best country to live in, then again I'm a little biased. The average person can get just about anything they want, for the most part everyone has what they need."

"Sounds wonderful. What about where you lived, the people you know?"

"I lived in the western suburbs of Melbourne. Not one of the best places, but it's close to work, and I couldn't really afford to live anywhere else when I moved out. I don't have any family left over there, but my workmates were great. And my mates from Geelong. That's about an hour from Melbourne." I shrug. "It was a good life. We're spoiled, in all honesty. Short sighted. I spoke to some people that go off-world frequently based on Earth, and the things they see… it puts everything in perspective, for sure."

"You miss your world." Trevin walked to the table, and put a bowl in front of me.

I toyed with the spoon. "Yeah. I miss it. But I'd kick myself if I'd left this opportunity pass. I was ready to move on, and you can't really get a bigger change than another galaxy." I tried the soup, it was good. "This is great, thanks."

"No probs," he replied, smiling.

"Hey, you heard me say that, didn't you?" I grinned back at him.

"I may have. I find your use of language interesting. What does fuck mean?"

I choked on the soup. "Uhm, you shouldn't say that. It's a swear word, it's considered rude in our culture."

"But you say it frequently."

"You've got good hearing, haven't you?"

He nodded. "Very good."

"Yeah, well, I try not to say it when other people are around, unless I know them well. It's a curse. If anyone from Atlantis heard you say it I'd get in trouble."

"Then I will not say it."

We talked a while longer, but we both started yawning soon after we finshed dinner.

"You mind if I crash, Trev?"

"Crash?" He looked confused.

"Ah, go to sleep." I shrugged. "Another language thing."

"Trev?"

"Ha, well in our culture we often shorten names. And because I'm me, I often make up nick-names for people. You don't mind, do you?" I knew he didn't, but best I let him answer that verbally.

"Of course not, Er."

"You catch on quick, you know that?"

He just smiled. "Come, I will show you where you can crash."

…

We had another full day of work on Sunday, then I headed back to Atlantis at around 5pm. I waved to Trevin as I took off in the PJ, and was pleased to see him wave back. Reilly was going to meet me for pizza as agreed, and I knew something was bothering him as soon as I got close to Atlantis. It had been a month or so since I'd 'sparred' with Lorne, and I'd been avoiding the man. It wasn't personal, but I really didn't want to think about it. Reilly really wanted me to do training, and was trying to work out how to talk to me about it, but also how the hell to train someone without touching them.

He was waiting in the mess hall when I arrived, and I grabbed a slice of pizza and a bottle of water. I grinned at him, and he smiled weakly back. "Hey you."

"Ah, don't beat yourself up Riles. You got a solution yet?"

He shook his head. "I care about you Erin. I need to know you can handle yourself, but I just don't know what to do."

"I know. And thanks. You know any chicks on base that can kick ass?"

He thought about it. "You'd do better with a female instructor?"

"Fo shiz. Maybe Lorne knows someone that can help." I finished off my pizza, and shrugged. "Hey, don't get all down now. We'll work this one out, no stress." I laughed. "It's not like the base is gonna be invaded or anything mate."

He finally smiled back. "Sure. I'd just feel better if you go off-world, or even with the Athosians. I know you trust them, but-"

I tapped my head. "Built in detector here, boss. Trust me, they're all A-OK."

"Fine, fine. I'll get back to you if I hear anything." He looked at his watch. "Go get some rest, no doubt you've been working all weekend. I'll see you at 1600 tomorrow."

I stood up and mock-saluted. "Until then, kind sir."

…

…

…

Song is the Fratellis, For The Girl. I guessed the four month thing, based on one season being a year. I could probably go back and try to work it our properly, but this is already AU, so like it matters. I tried to get the Athosian's speech right without making them sound like retarded Vulcans, hopefully I did alright.


End file.
